(My) Identity Crisis

I never like getting personal about myself and what I go through, to other peeps… be it close friends/ distant aquitances. Why lie? I struggle! It’s not naturally in me to be vulnerable; to let my guard down… partly we could pay dues to my upbringing for this attribute but for the most part, well, weakness just ain’t a flattering look on me. NO, Sir

I gotta be strong;
Stand Tall, Chin up, Nose stiff;
Front like you all put together, when you a damn wrecking ball inside of you

But right about now we’re gonna tear down that wall (forget Trump’s plan to be erecting dem walls… Oh! its his inauguration period btw cheers to that 🙂 🙂 )

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Point blank: I don’t know who (the hell) I am anymore! I lost touch of what I stood for, my ambitions and drive, what I believed in, my daily routines are jacked up, my healthy routines now dry bones of the past. I really have no sence of accountability or discipline since of late all I’ve been doing is living life as it came by. Yesterday…today… tomorrow… the day after… all have one thing in common that differentiates them, the date and day of the week, other than that they all basically the same! I’m stuck in this rut and it’s insane!!

As bloggers we need to keep ourselves updated with what’s buzzing the blogsphere. I pulled out this quote straight out of a post from a motivation and lifestyle blog I follow. It sufficiently summarises my predicaments…

“I’m drained and so very tired of all the anxiety, negativity and stress. Too often my mind is consumed with unforgiving thoughts, and every muscle in my body is full of tension. It hurts. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t want to feel like I live in a whirlwind of constant exhaustion. I don’t want to just ‘get by’ day to day…” | #Word

That was an email from their coaching student, shared by consent (identity was withheld)

You know I can remember a time when I was soo full of life and was really excited about things and soo pro positivity! Now I’m just, Meh :p

I tend to do the exact same things each and every waking day, the same exact way. Like even when I do try to blend in variety it just stalls! Nothing changes. And being the rainbows of the zodiac (I’m gemini) ; we just can’t stand monotony for a bit! So the mere fact that I’ve been complacent in this state all this while, is frightening me!?!
“Excuse me Miss, who the heck ARE YOU?”
“Me?”

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What’s an Identity Crisis?

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I wasn’t quite sure if what I was feeling actually had a name… ’till I googled it. Is there any problem out there that google can’t solve??

Somewhere down there it read “… is also widely considered a psychological disorder in which an individual…”
Hold up! What? Those sound like White people problems!
Nope that ain’t it… we’ll stick to the standard definition given in that image(pic) above.

I be just confused ya’ll. I’m kinda lost in the moment.

Could be it’s because I’m still settling in to this new life?

Looking for the spot where I best fit in,

Trying to find common ground and a tribe I can relate to,

Or maybe because it’s just but our human nature to find faults in all else but the source… thats me

Yo! I NEED A BREAK, A TIME OUT!

I need to smell the air again, and be conscious of how it feels like. I wanna hear my heartbeats as I meditate and relax. I’m tired of being busy just being busy. I want back the time I used to spend on myself. The moments I felt calm and not nervous each time I was alone. I want people around when neccessary and not just so I may avoid feeling alone. I want back my independence; I want back the old me I knew and loved 🙂

Fingers crossed the next time I be here venting, I’ll be telling of how I successfully got to untick these checklists:

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“Hopefully she’ll be her again”
“The one we knew?”
“The one we know.”

Hit that Like button and let me know what you think in the Comments section below.
Remember to keep Reading, Smiling And stay Joyous and Inspired Always 🙂 🙂 🙂

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6 thoughts on “(My) Identity Crisis

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