Diary of a promiscuous woman – Why you couldn’t bag me!

Thur, Dec 28

People will tell you it starts with that first look. The locking of eyes, as we hold one anothers gaze. Staring deep into me as if digging into my soul and blah blah blah yada yada They lived happily ever after (child please *rolls eyes*)

Skanks will probably tell you men are trash but guess what, women can equally be as trashy. 

We can’t fully blame her for having the wondering eye, remember every demon was once in heaven before being kicked out, pun intended.

If there’s anything I’ve come to learn this year about love is that everyone has a story. Things don’t just happen in our lives from nowhere fahm patterns determine the final sketch.

(Meet Tati

the one everyone liked and admired but no one claimed her as their girl. Don’t get me wrong there wasn’t anything off about her, just that no one could figure her out. A good girl. Sweet girl with a twist to her)

Tue, Feb 14

Candle lit dinner, rose flower vase before me, you got me smiling ear-to-ear overlooking this phenomenal sunset view in our favorite restaurant in town. Why are you too good? Infact why are you soo perfect? You always treat me exactly how I’ve envisioned an ideal partner to me would be… am I tripping over nothing?

Then I start getting into my head and playback all the incidences my ex did all the right things just to drop me eventually disregarding all the magical moments like these that we shared. 

I’m just waiting for the other shoe to fall, only this time it was mine that fell and not yours.

Wed , Feb 15

From uptown estate Runda down to Umoja I’m out here driving fast in time for morning glory 😉 from my Big Daddy Taco. See it was Valentine night people, V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E as in day for the lovers; prime time to have sex! But unfortunately my dinner date didn’t get the memo! He wasn’t trying to pipe… but I was

No need to explain the obvious but my Big Daddy Taco was big enough by the time I knocked on his shady neighbourhood gate and gracious enough to finish off what my slacker date left undone

But Taco wasn’t tripping over nothing. He knows a classy woman like me with my shit together wasn’t about to be wifed by his likes.

Fri, May 5

Hon. Mr. Kalu was my type. No question about that! & yes Hon. to mean he’s in the government sitting on our countries wealth & Mr. cause he a married man

But do I care? I normally don’t finness I’m not the finnessing type ’cause I can afford to pay up all my bills and my mama’s and your mama’s and her mama’s … you get the point, right?

But with Mr. Kalu came power and respect. With money comes riches (which I had plenty of already) but being known to be the Governor’s ring girl means authorised access and VIP treatment whenever I was with him. He was a drug that kept me on bedrest, yes doc, more please 😉 

Wed, June 7

The dj has this mixtape on point mehn! He hitting my music G-spot good ’cause judging by the way I was breaking my back at this Nicki anthem he knows I aint playing. 

I’m all in my feelings rapping word-on-word to Lil Wayne’s “tapout” then I look over my shoulder and some drapper dressed tuxedo-shirt dude trying to move to me. Holl’up, first you are ridiculously dressed coming to a club bro, like did you forget the broad meeting at 9pm or something? 

Drink in my hand and channel purse on my arm he knows his sleek looks don’t give him a pass if he trying to off-pant after this rave… so he slides his credit card and bites his lower lip at me, wrong move shrink, wrong move! Not tonight you can’t! I was in a foul mood since morning after my boss breathed hot air down my gut for missing a deadline at work and then this idiot moutain picks today to slut shame me? He got another thing coming and he wasn’t going to like it. 

I threw the drink at his face, slapped him hard then I …  I just realised I can’t finish the story I may end up in jail 

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I will be uploading the 2nd half of my “Diary of a promiscuous woman” blog series soon. 

Happy Holidays Love 🙂

And a year filled with abundance 

This is where beauty went wrong

‘Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’… I won’t lie this here is one of those phrases I was taught in grammar class but hadn’t really understood what it meant – atleast at that time when I was like 13yrs. But you don’t question the teacher, right?  Or the book; Or the authors of the book; Or the origin of where the people who wrote the book really is : Nope you do not! God forbid you dare, you just take it as it is and somehow it’ll make sense … as for me this particular one didn’t then, and hasn’t yet up until now!

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See here’s why I have a problem with this : if something is physically attractive or good to look at, it remains to be that way regardless of whether you are attracted to it or not! Finding something that admires you is one thing, however being drawn towards it is another.

|”k, so where are we headed with this?” *SIGH* | I hear you asking yourself.

Continue reading “This is where beauty went wrong”

Kim Kardashian I “HATE” YOU…

…Okay, Okay maybe HATE IS A STRONG WORD! I’m annoyed slightly. And I’m not annoyed at Kim herself … ironically it’s Kim’s weight I’m annoyed at!

Okay no hard feelings harboured here ; I mean the girl lost tons of pounds (70lbs to be exact) and she looks great! But then what implication does her dress size have on us? Kim being the famed popular queen that she is… what she buys, wears or weighs has its way of influencing how we perceive our own lives… Directly/Indirectly – if you are pop culture orientated like myself you know what I mean.

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Kim flaunts her 125lbs at the VMA Red Carpet

But then do we honestly want her every body development literally thrown at our faces?!? No like seriously, they’re legit keeping tabs on her neck weight… literally speaking!

CHANGING THE STANDARDS OF BEAUTY

Kardashian is the epitome of perfection.
I discuss this in my popular post :  How socialite implies on us (read here)
Her eccentric and coveted beauty (so is her body figure) sort of dictates what’s good!
So while we all know having some meat to the bone is considered beautiful nowadays – *inside voices* Good Lord! When’s the butt revolution ever gonna halt? – what do you think should happen after the idol who mainstreamed curvacious bodies decides to shed it all off?

$h*t don’t add up right? ‘Coz the hell is gon’ happen to all de phat a**??

Since apparently thin is now the new sexy

beauty is being redefined and sampled by Kimberly.

COST OF WARDROBE CHANGES

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And now to the fashion, ooh the fashion! So it’s not new that Kim is a major style icon and that she surely does influence a lot of the trends in the fashion game. Top Designers want to dress her; girls and fans alike want to wear what she clads too.

Being a bit on the “pair-shaped” size she caters mostly for the curvy lady. Figure hugging outfits that show off every hump and lump is what we know her for.

But now guess what? She’s skinny… so obviously she’ll change her mode of dressing to well suit her trimmed down body.

~Idk about you… but we’re indeed gonna be swiping that credit card to ‘Keep Up With This Kardashian’ ~

SKINNY Vs CURVY

Me: Yea…She lost soo much weight lemme google a pic for you.
(I show her a picture on my phone screen)
My Friend: What?!? So this is her now? … how do you lose what you’re famous for?

That’s a convo I had a while back with another Kardashian enthusiast while watching a repeat episode of kuwtk on E! Network (Yo! girls will alway be girls :D)

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So while it may sound totally absurd why someone else’s weight should be considered such a big deal (to even be worthy of a discussion) … those who know this star get it!

[/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]
|Memo to Kiki|
–> So Kiks, what’s fit and healthy?
Should your relentless followers workout to pack on some extra pounds on the hips and derriere/ should they go on sugar diets to cut it off?
Is it cool to be thin/thick?
Should they be frustrated/content when the number on the scale goes down?

Girl, you are brewing some major chaos along the trail: Vegan; Gluten Free; Non-Dairy;Zero Cholesterol; Paleo Diets
(Some of which I have no idea what they really are; who knows what gluten even is??)
There’s gonna be a rise in the cases of forced anorexia! But NOT FOR ME! 

Im’ma just grab some popcorn and cotton candy while I sit back and wait to see all the outfits she’s gonna be rocking.
  
And I’m out ^peace^
[/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]

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Beating And/Or Teaching!?

Who likes being whacked whooped whipped okay to be fair let’s use the more kid-friendly word : disciplined. Not that the very act of it is any lenient than getting a thorough whooping… but growing up I was told I was being disciplined each time I got a beating.

Joyce, I’m not beating you;
        I’m disciplining you
   So next time you know better!

Okay, I’m not soo sure about you, but the truth lies in the proof! There was : physical discomfort and harm, injury, crying, pain, moodiness —>> yea that was more or less a beating I got… no matter the vocabulary! Being told you were being disciplined back then; sounded way more liberal than torturous. And it made it okay. And freely acceptable! So to me I looked at it as a lesson being taught the hard way. Through the cane (or belt or slap or hitting) . In hind sight, right now I’m thinking, was hurting me the only best and final resort for me to be able to learn my lessons? Did I have to cry and get upset only to get up happy that I learnt something new in my life? But most importantly… was it worth it?
I know that’s Rhetoric

So now should I tell you why what was done to us had to happen?? If you are religious (Christian to be more specific) sing along with me: Spare the rod and spoil the child ! That’s Right {PROVERBS 13:24}

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Frankly I have mad respect for God and what His word says so I’m gonna not comment on that…! Listen it’s the Bible people! We can’t do much there.

However the ironic part is, I’m very sure many will be surprised to have found out that this line actually was legit outta the bible (let me know if that was you in the comments down below 🙂 

Reason why I say this is because you know how notorious we are sometimes when we repeatedly quote famous Christian slogans that don’t really exist at all in our bible. They become soo second tongued that we begin to think it’s God’s words when on the contrary it is just Man’s word.

Like take for instance
God helps those who help themselves

While this phrase sounds like it definately comes from scripture, it actually isn’t recorded anywhere in the bible. The phrase “God helps those who help themselves” is credited to the Greek storyteller Aesop (and Bejamin Franklin) . It’s been suggested the phrase is a favorite among pickpocketers and shoplifters
See 10 more popular bible verses that aren’t actually in the Bible

I remember an incident in school with one of our foreign tutors (She was a Brit) from the UK. We were chatting away one afternoon when I got the ultimate culture shock of my life! To my utter surprise she gagged at me when I told her about a bad day I was having because I was still upset after being “disciplined” at home over a petty nothing that I did.

She goes “So they hit you?”

In my head I respond almost immediately “Don’t worry about me others get worse”

But instead I chose to stay silent.

‘Coz to be honest now I’m the one in shock!

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She then goes ahead to tell me how she would rather use other means to discipline her kiddies when they go wrong or misbehaved. Beating isn’t the only way to teach what’s Right. To her she would give them a time out or take away their luxuries (ipad/ toys/snack junk/a swim in the pool) “And my kids are very well mannered” she adds.

This gets me thinking! Is abuse the only order of the day? What’s surprising to me is that I observed her little girls were sometimes even more disciplined than their counter parts who get a beating for doing wrong. It’s almost like with time they get immune to the canning and instead of receiving the moral, they receive the pain ignore the lesson taught!

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LET'S RETHINK THIS

   Objective obtained?
      Make your bets
     I’m thinking not!

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This is where beauty went wrong

‘Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’… I won’t lie this here is one of those phrases I was taught in grammar class but hadn’t really understood what it meant – atleast at that time when I was like 13yrs. But you don’t question the teacher, right?  Or the book; Or the authors of the book; Or the origin of where the people who wrote the book really is : Nope you do not! God forbid you dare, you just take it as it is and somehow it’ll make sense … as for me this particular one didn’t then, and hasn’t yet up until now!

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See here’s why I have a problem with this : if something is physically attractive or good to look at, it remains to be that way regardless of whether you are attracted to it or not! Finding something that admires you is one thing, however being drawn towards it is another.

|”k, so where are we headed with this?” *SIGH* | I hear you asking yourself.

Continue reading “This is where beauty went wrong”

A generation of Fads

So someone once challenged me and told me the internet has been a breeding ground of “narcissistic intelligence”… being the hardnut that I am, there had to be a heated back-and-forth before I was totally convinced about this matter ( I always crave a good debate; and the opportunity presented itself).

Who’s a narcissist?

A habit in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.

Strictly, it’s used to mean being self-absorbed and having an inflated opinion on ourselves and our capabilities… not to be confused with self esteem, but there’s a thin line separating the two extremes. Being confident is good but being cocky about it is another.

So back to this altercation I had, it does seem true to say we are ignorant with our online ‘persona’ : We give savvy political commentary on twitter debates and forums; take part in “big talks” on facebook groups and pages so as to inflate our up-to-date knowledge; whenever we do come across a thought-provoking article online we leave comments that are well written full of linguistics to prove we are well articulate and word smart!

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And all for what?!? The praise and status quo we believe we have. And yes this is narcissistic of us since we only give this much effort because the internet helps distant ourselves from the reality we live in… so we feel safe to be a ‘somebody’ to other nobody(s) we know nothing about and who wouldn’t otherwise know the person we really are… it’s a feel good mind illusion. And don’t roll your eyes at me we both know that’s true myself included. Just that act of having an active online presence has the power to make us feel we are greater than what we are. Feel more knowledgable than our intelligence allows of us.

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A false sense of importance

On Social Media
I decided to quit all social media activity 3yrs ago since I realised it was a constructive way of wasting my life. It took a little bit of maturity and common sense to see just how much of my time I was investing in meaningless stuff. Time that at the time,  I would have used on improving myselfrather than on gaining more IG followers and posting happenings of my life that were of no use to other people. But whether this is anything to me or not… this is the culture of our generation today.

~The millennials 15 to 29 year olds of this day and age

We are head over heels on “improving” and “maintaining” our social media image so as to meet the cut on what society values good/worthy.

It’s a TOTAL frenzy!!! No, you don’t look anything like those picture perfect selfie photos... it’s all in the angle and image edits. No your 1Million instagram followers don’t give you real gravitation or fame… they are people who care less about who you are as a person and more about what you post for them to feast on! Those 500 facebook likes means you are popular… to a virtual reality crowd. And twitter? The followers… Do You personally know any one of them?

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It’s a fad for christ sake. And this is what a fad is :

An intense and widely shared enthusiasm for something, especially one that is short-lived and without basis in the object’s qualities; a craze.

I think each demon is beautiful. So although all these false “personalities” we create leads us to fall prey to inferiority complexes … they do give meaning to how we relate to one other in society.

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You’re either cool or lame; hot or not; smart or naive; street savvy or clueless; talented or average… this is what our society perpetuates. Labels and identities are the order of the day. See it as a blesssing or curse… just try not to lose yourself. #Live in your truth

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Be authentic; It's important

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How Socialite Implies On Us.

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Kimberly Kardashian West

          Now let’s make
          one thing clear;
        I am NOT a Kim K
                hater!
        As a matter of fact, 
         I’m a huge fan of
             Kardashian 🙂

We all know this infamous Keeping up with the Kardashians star… and if not … where have you been? Mars? (Go educate yourself!) She is one of the most followed people on Planet Earth. And when all facets of your life gets practically played out on live tv and cable… I’m thinking you won’t be sipping hot cocoa by the fireplace!… Since everyone would feel the need to be all up in your business. Dirty laundry and all…

Kim has dwelled in unfair scrutiny for as long as I can remember. Hate speech, body shamers, sexist remarks, verbal abuse, ridicule… I mean the list goes on and on!
Cut the girl some slack people?? She got it going on! Get a life ; she’s living hers over there and what are you doing? Ya’ll trolls are just a bunch of weirdos sitting behind a monitor screen having nothing better to do with your miserable lives, other than yapping like a bunch of big babies literally and figurativly.

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But why is she hated so much? She’s a beautiful soul and as far as logic is concerned… hasn’t harmed anyone, yet fire daggars and machete are splurged all over her social media posts. Yet we still keep comin’ for more. Owh, and that’s how she makes money, through all the devoted and undivided attention we give to her and her brand. Good or bad : you know what they say all press is GOOD press! ~I don’t know who said it

Continue reading “How Socialite Implies On Us.”

Nobody Passes

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L(lesbian)G(gay)B(bisexual)T(transgender). The LGBT community suck up losts of kicks and are constantly fighting for what they believe in. But c’mon this doesnt make it okay to ruthlessly murder anyone e.g The Orlando Massacre. #peaceOrlando. No matter what we believe in I believe LOVE IS LOVE

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Feminist is an Equalist

Feminist is a cliche’ nowadays. Dare me say “I’m a feminist..” and ooh boy the gags you get are far too familiar.  Riased eyebrow ,silly smark and a cheeky yet sarcastic giggle.

But why? :  Because I’m female it’s wrong to be ambitous and have a go getter attitude to life? Be tough and as unappologetically bold as my male counterpart? Have drive and work on my grind?

Feminism is simply the quest for the equality of the sexes, yet it provokes strong reactions

‘Gender doesn’t limit my scope’
~qoute by Joyce

I do believe that their isn’t a superior gender. But fortunate or unfortunately we’ve celebrated a dominant gender so to speak. The ‘xy’ chromosome. (Male) But we are now  breaking the ice and saying “I AIN’T YOUR MAMA!! (Jlo). It’s perfectly okay to be outspoken as a female and still have a gentle feminine touch. We are all the same… just that one was biologically born a man/woman.

Times have changed and traditional roles are being redefined. Long are the days when it was forbiden to have a lady in the army or a shocker to find a lady engrossed in the 9-5 work schedule.

And so it begs the question, why can’t we demand and negociate an aqual pay cheque? given we perform the same tasks. Give Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar!

Emma Watson during the HeforShe campaign for UN Women Goodwill said ;
{I have spoken about feminism the more I have realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that this has to stop.

For the record, feminism by definition is: “The belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. It is the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.”}

And for the record empowering the girl child doesn’t jepordise the male existence. There will always be a man’s place in society. And hey look on the bright side …  a strong-willed intelligent lady is such a turn on and an important asset in soo many ways. Having women being empowered and doing the most gives the next generation a positive outlook as to what being a strong woman really is all about. Younger girls shall grow looking up to charaters such as these. They will learn that they don’t have to only play with dolls and play dress up. They’ll learn that they can do what whatever their heart so desires and can be whatever they wish to be with no compromise or limits. Not forgetting that youger boys too will be made to understand that a woman’s place isn’t neccesarilly in the kitchen…(pun intended) and so it should be.

If I speak my mind it means I have an opinion not that I’m being rude. Whenever a boy shows confidence and stands up for what he believes in he is praised and called ambitious ; when a girl does it she’s belittled and told to learn some mannars! Smh a pity!

However what I do know for certain is that when you look around and you are the only one wearing a skirt in the boardroom that’s a plus to you… because you won’t be easily forgotten. No need to pass around that business card!! The odds are in your favour and work to your advantage.
It’s an empowering feeling to say the least.
Be You. Stand Tall. And Speak Up. #girlpowerrocks

FEMALE RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS AND ARE OUR RIGHTS

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