Diary of a promiscuous woman – Why you couldn’t bag me!

Thur, Dec 28

People will tell you it starts with that first look. The locking of eyes, as we hold one anothers gaze. Staring deep into me as if digging into my soul and blah blah blah yada yada They lived happily ever after (child please *rolls eyes*)

Skanks will probably tell you men are trash but guess what, women can equally be as trashy. 

We can’t fully blame her for having the wondering eye, remember every demon was once in heaven before being kicked out, pun intended.

If there’s anything I’ve come to learn this year about love is that everyone has a story. Things don’t just happen in our lives from nowhere fahm patterns determine the final sketch.

(Meet Tati

the one everyone liked and admired but no one claimed her as their girl. Don’t get me wrong there wasn’t anything off about her, just that no one could figure her out. A good girl. Sweet girl with a twist to her)

Tue, Feb 14

Candle lit dinner, rose flower vase before me, you got me smiling ear-to-ear overlooking this phenomenal sunset view in our favorite restaurant in town. Why are you too good? Infact why are you soo perfect? You always treat me exactly how I’ve envisioned an ideal partner to me would be… am I tripping over nothing?

Then I start getting into my head and playback all the incidences my ex did all the right things just to drop me eventually disregarding all the magical moments like these that we shared. 

I’m just waiting for the other shoe to fall, only this time it was mine that fell and not yours.

Wed , Feb 15

From uptown estate Runda down to Umoja I’m out here driving fast in time for morning glory 😉 from my Big Daddy Taco. See it was Valentine night people, V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E as in day for the lovers; prime time to have sex! But unfortunately my dinner date didn’t get the memo! He wasn’t trying to pipe… but I was

No need to explain the obvious but my Big Daddy Taco was big enough by the time I knocked on his shady neighbourhood gate and gracious enough to finish off what my slacker date left undone

But Taco wasn’t tripping over nothing. He knows a classy woman like me with my shit together wasn’t about to be wifed by his likes.

Fri, May 5

Hon. Mr. Kalu was my type. No question about that! & yes Hon. to mean he’s in the government sitting on our countries wealth & Mr. cause he a married man

But do I care? I normally don’t finness I’m not the finnessing type ’cause I can afford to pay up all my bills and my mama’s and your mama’s and her mama’s … you get the point, right?

But with Mr. Kalu came power and respect. With money comes riches (which I had plenty of already) but being known to be the Governor’s ring girl means authorised access and VIP treatment whenever I was with him. He was a drug that kept me on bedrest, yes doc, more please 😉 

Wed, June 7

The dj has this mixtape on point mehn! He hitting my music G-spot good ’cause judging by the way I was breaking my back at this Nicki anthem he knows I aint playing. 

I’m all in my feelings rapping word-on-word to Lil Wayne’s “tapout” then I look over my shoulder and some drapper dressed tuxedo-shirt dude trying to move to me. Holl’up, first you are ridiculously dressed coming to a club bro, like did you forget the broad meeting at 9pm or something? 

Drink in my hand and channel purse on my arm he knows his sleek looks don’t give him a pass if he trying to off-pant after this rave… so he slides his credit card and bites his lower lip at me, wrong move shrink, wrong move! Not tonight you can’t! I was in a foul mood since morning after my boss breathed hot air down my gut for missing a deadline at work and then this idiot moutain picks today to slut shame me? He got another thing coming and he wasn’t going to like it. 

I threw the drink at his face, slapped him hard then I …  I just realised I can’t finish the story I may end up in jail 

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I will be uploading the 2nd half of my “Diary of a promiscuous woman” blog series soon. 

Happy Holidays Love 🙂

And a year filled with abundance 

The Hopeless Romantic

[ Journal Entry ] as written by Mary Jo Kate.

Date : April the 21th of 2017

I don’t claim to know much about love, but without reasonable doubt though, I can say I know a whole lot there is to know about my love life... emphasis on the word “my”.

I’ll give this to you for free, my love endevours meh! not much to write home about ; unless ofcourse we’d consider a trial of (Ill-chosen) misfits worthy of the title “dates” … then well yeah, I guess we can say I have a story to tell.

Now enough of the poetry, here’s what’s up

Hopeless romantic… ever heard of that word before? My guess is yes! Now I’m sure some of ya’ll out there ought to be just like me; we hear/read this catchy word being used once and almost instantly register it to our vocabulary ready to make use of this boujie-like sounding word the second we get a chance to flex our corny side.

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See, up until the past 19yrs of my life, I always thought hopeless romantic is a means-as-its-read piece of literature. Like why should life be soo complicated?

Q. What’s Hopeless Romantic?
Me: You are pathetic and hence useless/hopeless when it comes to romance.

But then this thingie called google happened to humanity and proved me dumb

Q. What’s Hopeless Romantic?
Google: A hopeless romantic is an expression describing a person who has romantic notions about life. For a hopeless romantic: life = love. Especially when that person is involved in a relationship – He/she thinks about love and romantic relationships in a different way than other people.

Okay so we can give google the credit for trying to make me sound better than I really am, because I do consider myself a hopeless romantic … only difference is that I am indeed HOPELESS! I Ain’t Playing :

#Exhibit 1
The Neat-Freak

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Jimmy was a good guy, the one you take home to papa and will instantly gain approval of my paps just because of one tiny important detail; he knew the essence of using a belt unlike all dem other kids from the 90’s (he don’t sag his pants)
And Ma would fall deeply in love with this guy’s neatness she’ll fail to see any vices in Jim’s character.

—Jury decision —
But yo, who in the world has color-coded underwear in their closet, that get ironed before being worn?!?
DENIED

#Exhibit 2
The D*ck

Larry, for lack of a better clean vocabulary to use was a complete  dick!
He was the flashy type, with his cheap ass sneakers on and fake Ray Ban glasses acting all punked up, always fishing for a compliment each time we met over a 1dollar 99 cent ($1.99) buffet.

—Jury decision —
I’d rather take the next bus to hell and come back cycling than spend a life-time with him… anything to just get away!
DENIED

#Exhibit 3
Mr.Goodie-too-shoes

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Daniel was the perfect recipe for a boring, monotonous, repetitive, average, routine, common boyfriend. Now I’m not saying books are lame,  but he was just a smart fart. You can train anyone to be well book smart, but life in particular my life, needs more stimuli.
I’m naturally smart, my grades are up, so with that regard I guess thats why I can relate with Danny, BUT

—Jury decision —
Were I to be stranded in an empty island, Danny would most likely be the first person to not bring with me. ‘Coz I’d rather die of hunger&acidity rather than boredom
DENIED

#Exhibit 4
The Rapper Wanna be

Being cool is cool… but trynna act cool is just lame (sorry!)
And trust me I can smell an imposter from a mile away. Boy don’t be hitting on me with some “fabricated black guy accent” told Ricko several times to stop twining when around me… the dude couldn’t listen!
“… aight”
” Fo sho’ “
” shawty “

—Jury decision —
Who you playing Ricko?? You ain’t African-American you fraud niggar!
DENIED

#Exhibit 5
“Big Boy on Campus”

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Tito, too hot to handle to cool to leave. He was actually really pretty, and believe me its quite near to impossible that I give compliments nonetheless to a guy!

He was the type of guy all other boys want to be and all the ladies want to be with. The attention he got because of his killer looks and ripped bod, was the reason I bowed out reasonably from the relationship.

—Jury decision —
Nothing against Tito but… I kinda want to be the only cute one in bed. So once again…
DENIED

STORY OF MY LIFE ; Didn’t I tell you I was hopeless? Now you clearly can see why! 🙂

Share and Hit that Like button and let me know what you think in the Comments section below.
Remember to keep Reading, Smiling And stay Joyous and Inspired Always 🙂 🙂 🙂

He was that guy

Ye Ni Yule Msee (Swahili translation of “He was that guy“)

You were that guy,
The one who swept me off my feet and took my breath away having not uttered a single word

You were that guy,
The one who succeeded in melting my cold-hard heart away by just being you in all your elements

You were that guy,
You made my knees weak, made them shake, made them tremble each time you called me by my maiden name through those thin sweet lips

You were that guy,
Your allure undeniablely irresistable to all the ladies

You were that guy,
You were a show-stopper whenever you walked in. Manly enough to startle me yet cute enough to make me flinch

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You were that guy,
Who managed to make me speechless and shy almost stumbling over each word I said; a feeling my strong composed persona isn’t used to experiencing

You were that guy,
Who drove me *effing insane as I watched those muscles flex, that look on your face right before you shine a clumsy grin, the sparkle in your eyes when you argued passionately, how you licked your plum lips and flashed me a flirtacious smirk

You were that guy,
That I felt totally at ease with: A best friend; A goofy playmate; A confidante; The elder brother I never had; A partner in crime… my everything

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You were that guy,
Gentle and caring was your adoration towards me. Heart-to-Heart was our version of One-on-One

You were that guy,
Who swore over all that our today shall remain our fowever. Who is it that gave my heart to you?? Seems to me you must have stolen that sh*t

You were that guy,
Who when the chase game was up, faded that ‘fake’ and shone your true colour upon me with all its rays! But Never did I mind the burning gaze. I loved it to pieces and didn’t complain… for it’s in those flaws that I fell for you more and more and more

You were that guy,
The one who neglected all the promises. Broke the trust. Betrayed our burning love. Traded my sincerity for a weakness. Shredded my heart and broke the soul you once cherrished

You were that guy,
That gave me the same lame break-up line we both heard in that George Clooney romance movie (from the 80’s) we watched that Friday night : “… look this isn’t about you it’s about me …” Really!?! Boy_Bye

You were that guy,
The one I didn’t give the satisfaction to see me cry. You was running your mouth as you always do giving me sweet nothings as I kicked you out of my appartment. I slammed that door behind me just as hard as your words had hurt me

But all that don’t matter to me anymore, wanna know why?? Because you’re exactly that… You were that guy,
Just not anymore

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Good Riddance! 🙂

Share and Hit that Like button and let me know what you think in the Comments section below.
Remember to keep Reading, Smiling And stay Joyous and Inspired Always 🙂 🙂 🙂

#BOOK REVIEW | ‘Promise you won’t tell?’ by John Locke

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This is a very touchy novel addressing our universal fear of vulnerability and not having total control over how events unfold in our own lives.
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Riley Freeman, a young 17yr old girl, finds herself in deep trouble and at odds with her friends at school (and close family members) after a nude picture of her is posted online anonymously. This transpired after getting a little drunk in a pal’s house party… and this opens up a whole can of worms as deep rooted secrets are revealed about her personal life and that of one of her bff. To help her navigate the horrendous ‘druken night occurances’ and legal issues that ensue these sort of crimes, she sought the help of the infamous private investigator Dani Riper (through which the entire novel is narrated by).
Dani is sarcastic, hilarious, and she gives out a good amount of emotion.
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This book is a real roller-coaster ride. Readers experience a whole range of emotions as the plot steadily matures with vivid first person accounts to the whole drama and mistery that befalls the young senoir year girl.
Who can you trust in this world?… especially when it’s your dignity that hangs loose on the thread.

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Personally I think the theme resonates true with almost all of us. Regardless of age. We all have our insecurities. We’re all flawed and have those pesky parts of our identity that we’d rather have stay unsaid. And in this day and age the internet and social media haven’t been of help at all. Selfie? Sure why not edit the image add filters and photoshop my extra flabs; set the camera angle right and … click #iwokeuplikethis
Then again with this fast speed technology comes the new phenomenon of instant sharing of content because we’re all soo globally connected and intertwined. So you can only imagine the trauma and emotional drain you would be put through once a careless nude picture of you circulates your inner circle and beyond overnight! – but yeah we’ve seen that before, right? Sex tape scandals anyone?!?

“If I could show you how awful you made me feel, You would never be able to look me in the eye again.”

~Riley

Qoute from book.

All the more reasons to mule over this John Locke creation of wit and thrill.

Continue reading “#BOOK REVIEW | ‘Promise you won’t tell?’ by John Locke”

The Start of Challenges

I have always thought of books to be a way of escaping reality and all its crude regularities … to a more comforting place. Somewhere fun and peaceful; where we can experience what we want and evoke the emotions we so heartily desire.
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Idealistic much? … – yeah I know.
It really does refresh our mindset. Giving us an alternative perspective. It can be soothing and therapeutic too 🙂
Try out this “Book Riot’s Read Harder challenge” I just found out about. And work wonders, trust me it’s worth each ounce of your time.

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                          —full details of the challenge here—

Did you like it?
Share it with your friends and start a conversation Now!
Tweet it and mention me in your tweets @Okumu_Joyce
hashtag it #understatedchaos

Eleventh Stack

PrintCarnegie Library of Pittsburgh and Eleventh Stack are celebrating Black History Month by highlighting books, music and movies by African American Artists. We also have a ton of great events and programs for children, teens and adults. You can view all of our Black History Month posts here.

This is the first year I decided to participate in Book Riot’s Read Harder challenge. There are so many options for challenges throughout the year, but in my opinion, a good challenge is one that makes you explore new interests and read outside your comfort zone, to learn and appreciate something new. This is what Book Riot’s challenge seemed to do for me. (Although I have also found Pop Sugar’s Reading Challenge fun in the past. You’ll see that some of the challenge parts overlap.)

I started reading Tears of a Tiger by Sharon M. Draper for the challenge…

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