For real I dunno you guys… it’s like I get really sentimental and mushy each time I get a year older (take the hint here people!!)
But wait a second, why is that though? I know other people who do this too, otherwise if left to me I’d just tell ya it’s ’cause I’m a dramatic psycho, but we can’t all possibly be psycho, soo…
See its something called the psychology of aging . As you get older you feel the sense of accountability: what do I have to show for my life? Then we get that nudge to look back at our lives and all those turning points in our pasts that have helped shape the individuals that we are today. Talk of a nostalgic bug? Am I right?
(Life gets crazy busy I have to admit… so my regular blog posting has been in this rut! But not to worry that creative writing mojo will come storming right in, in a few. )
A while back not soo long ago; I remember expressing to you all how I was at this state of dismay and confusion. I’d advice you read that post before hand, just incase you hadn’t.
(My) Identity Crisis
That way you’ll make much more sense of this post and it’ll give background to what I’m about to say here.
In hindsight, now that I reflect on it, I was most likely in a state of depressed but after working on myself and taking the time off to think soberly I came to this wonderous state of “deeper-rest” and never before have I felt better.
Since then I have been soaked in happiness, confidence, contentment, and this positive good vibes feeling.
It’s almost like “everyone’s rainbow appears after a storm”
There is this song lyric that goes a bit like
You’ll never know you are high until you feeling low
For us to really appreciate the good things we have in life we’ll have to hit rock-bottom and rise from those ashes. Totally reinventing yourself entire. That was sort of my rock-bottom I guess 🙂
The word manuscript is a lot like manual. A definitive pre-planned way of doing something, so to speak, I hope google concurs with me.
Observe all that surrounds you and your day-to-day life and interactions (stop and do it right now). Observe how society (however subtle) indirectly dictates the manner in which things should be done, so as to gain approval, or as they would tell you “meet the cut” or what’s “good enough”. Like where did this all go wrong… and get soo messed up!?!
Zoning in to my scenario I believe I was trying to conform, constantly sizing up and adjusting my nature (who I really was that I had abandoned) to be this person that I don’t even know, because of all that non-sense that was fed into my subconcious mind. Listen to me… that garbage can be stressful and frustrating as hell once you realise its never been (and never will be) a ONE SIZE FITS ALL type of world.
I had to press that reset button and start on a clean slate to really gain clarity and just dump that trash
for good (handy sessions of meditation and yoga played a part). I started to see where I was conviniently lying to myself and deceiving my identity to be something I was not – and frankly was never comfortable being. Then I started being true to Joyce 🙂 *that’s me btw* and let her raw self emerge. I did so unappologeticly and without excuses whatsoever. It was evident to people that I had significantly changed… but really all I became (or had become) was ME. And Goddamit it feels soo good. Soo good.
I just stopped caring. I just stopped giving a damn anymore how what I said/did was perceived.
And guess what? It paid off. I got to mend a couple of my close family relationships I had damaged in the past; I became more accepting of rejection and not feeling wanted; I became more aware of my feelings… and I just got rid of a lot of the BS in my life.
‘Coz Real Talk :
You know what?
When it all comes down to it, as you lay your head on that pillow for the night, all that matters is how you feel deep inside of you. Are you happy with yourself? Do you feel you’ve done all that it takes to make yourself happy? Are you living a lie (like I was evidently doing back then), or Are you walking in your TRUTH?
In this life that we live in the least you can do is:
Be you. Do you. For you.
Feel free to share like and comment.
It’s always an honour to hear from you guys 🙂 🙂
Food for thought
What manuscript do you need to get rid of in your life?