Trash_That_”Manuscript”

For real I dunno you guys… it’s like I get really sentimental and mushy each time I get a year older (take the hint here people!!)
😉

But wait a second, why is that though? I know other people who do this too, otherwise if left to me I’d just tell ya it’s ’cause I’m a dramatic psycho, but we can’t all possibly be psycho, soo…

See its something called the psychology of aging . As you get older you feel the sense of accountability: what do I have to show for my life? Then we get that nudge to look back at our lives and all those turning points in our pasts that have helped shape the individuals that we are today. Talk of a nostalgic bug? Am I right?

(Life gets crazy busy I have to admit… so my regular blog posting has been in this rut! But not to worry that creative writing mojo will come storming right in, in a few. )

A while back not soo long ago; I remember expressing to you all how I was at this state of dismay and confusion. I’d advice you read that post before hand, just incase you hadn’t.
(My) Identity Crisis
That way you’ll make much more sense of this post and it’ll give background to what I’m about to say here.

In hindsight, now that I reflect on it, I was most likely in a state of depressed but after working on myself and taking the time off to think soberly I came to this wonderous state of “deeper-rest” and never before have I felt better.

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Since then I have been soaked in happiness, confidence, contentment, and this positive good vibes feeling.
It’s almost like “everyone’s rainbow appears after a storm”

There is this song lyric that goes a bit like

You’ll never know you are high until you feeling low

For us to really appreciate the good things we have in life we’ll have to hit rock-bottom and rise from those ashes. Totally reinventing yourself entire. That was sort of my rock-bottom I guess 🙂

The word manuscript is a lot like manual. A definitive pre-planned way of doing something, so to speak, I hope google concurs with me.

Observe all that surrounds you and your day-to-day life and interactions (stop and do it right now). Observe how society (however subtle) indirectly dictates the manner in which things should be done, so as to gain approval, or as they would tell you “meet the cut” or what’s “good enough”. Like where did this all go wrong… and get soo messed up!?!

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Zoning in to my scenario I believe I was trying to conform, constantly sizing up and adjusting my nature (who I really was that I had abandoned) to be this person that I don’t even know, because of all that non-sense that was fed into my subconcious mind. Listen to me… that garbage can be stressful and frustrating as hell once you realise its never been (and never will be) a ONE SIZE FITS ALL type of world.

I had to press that reset button and start on a clean slate to really gain clarity and just dump that trash

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for good (handy sessions of meditation and yoga played a part). I started to see where I was conviniently lying to myself and deceiving my identity to be something I was not – and frankly was never comfortable being. Then I started being true to Joyce  🙂 *that’s me btw* and let her raw self emerge. I did so unappologeticly and without excuses whatsoever. It was evident to people that I had significantly changed… but really all I became (or had become) was ME. And Goddamit it feels soo good. Soo good.
I just stopped caring. I just stopped giving a damn anymore how what I said/did was perceived.
And guess what? It paid off. I got to mend a couple of my close family relationships I had damaged in the past; I became more accepting of rejection and not feeling wanted; I became more aware of my feelings… and I just got rid of a lot of the BS in my life.

‘Coz Real Talk :
You know what?
When it all comes down to it, as you lay your head on that pillow for the night, all that matters is how you feel deep inside of you. Are you happy with yourself? Do you feel you’ve done all that it takes to make yourself happy? Are you living a lie (like I was evidently doing back then), or Are you walking in your TRUTH?

In this life that we live in the least you can do is:
Be you. Do you. For you.
             ______________

Feel free to share like and comment.
It’s always an honour to hear from you guys 🙂 🙂

Food for thought
What manuscript do you need to get rid of in your life?

(My) Identity Crisis

I never like getting personal about myself and what I go through, to other peeps… be it close friends/ distant aquitances. Why lie? I struggle! It’s not naturally in me to be vulnerable; to let my guard down… partly we could pay dues to my upbringing for this attribute but for the most part, well, weakness just ain’t a flattering look on me. NO, Sir

I gotta be strong;
Stand Tall, Chin up, Nose stiff;
Front like you all put together, when you a damn wrecking ball inside of you

But right about now we’re gonna tear down that wall (forget Trump’s plan to be erecting dem walls… Oh! its his inauguration period btw cheers to that 🙂 🙂 )

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Point blank: I don’t know who (the hell) I am anymore! I lost touch of what I stood for, my ambitions and drive, what I believed in, my daily routines are jacked up, my healthy routines now dry bones of the past. I really have no sence of accountability or discipline since of late all I’ve been doing is living life as it came by. Yesterday…today… tomorrow… the day after… all have one thing in common that differentiates them, the date and day of the week, other than that they all basically the same! I’m stuck in this rut and it’s insane!!

As bloggers we need to keep ourselves updated with what’s buzzing the blogsphere. I pulled out this quote straight out of a post from a motivation and lifestyle blog I follow. It sufficiently summarises my predicaments…

“I’m drained and so very tired of all the anxiety, negativity and stress. Too often my mind is consumed with unforgiving thoughts, and every muscle in my body is full of tension. It hurts. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t want to feel like I live in a whirlwind of constant exhaustion. I don’t want to just ‘get by’ day to day…” | #Word

That was an email from their coaching student, shared by consent (identity was withheld)

You know I can remember a time when I was soo full of life and was really excited about things and soo pro positivity! Now I’m just, Meh :p

I tend to do the exact same things each and every waking day, the same exact way. Like even when I do try to blend in variety it just stalls! Nothing changes. And being the rainbows of the zodiac (I’m gemini) ; we just can’t stand monotony for a bit! So the mere fact that I’ve been complacent in this state all this while, is frightening me!?!
“Excuse me Miss, who the heck ARE YOU?”
“Me?”

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What’s an Identity Crisis?

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I wasn’t quite sure if what I was feeling actually had a name… ’till I googled it. Is there any problem out there that google can’t solve??

Somewhere down there it read “… is also widely considered a psychological disorder in which an individual…”
Hold up! What? Those sound like White people problems!
Nope that ain’t it… we’ll stick to the standard definition given in that image(pic) above.

I be just confused ya’ll. I’m kinda lost in the moment.

Could be it’s because I’m still settling in to this new life?

Looking for the spot where I best fit in,

Trying to find common ground and a tribe I can relate to,

Or maybe because it’s just but our human nature to find faults in all else but the source… thats me

Yo! I NEED A BREAK, A TIME OUT!

I need to smell the air again, and be conscious of how it feels like. I wanna hear my heartbeats as I meditate and relax. I’m tired of being busy just being busy. I want back the time I used to spend on myself. The moments I felt calm and not nervous each time I was alone. I want people around when neccessary and not just so I may avoid feeling alone. I want back my independence; I want back the old me I knew and loved 🙂

Fingers crossed the next time I be here venting, I’ll be telling of how I successfully got to untick these checklists:

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“Hopefully she’ll be her again”
“The one we knew?”
“The one we know.”

Hit that Like button and let me know what you think in the Comments section below.
Remember to keep Reading, Smiling And stay Joyous and Inspired Always 🙂 🙂 🙂

Kim Kardashian I “HATE” YOU…

…Okay, Okay maybe HATE IS A STRONG WORD! I’m annoyed slightly. And I’m not annoyed at Kim herself … ironically it’s Kim’s weight I’m annoyed at!

Okay no hard feelings harboured here ; I mean the girl lost tons of pounds (70lbs to be exact) and she looks great! But then what implication does her dress size have on us? Kim being the famed popular queen that she is… what she buys, wears or weighs has its way of influencing how we perceive our own lives… Directly/Indirectly – if you are pop culture orientated like myself you know what I mean.

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Kim flaunts her 125lbs at the VMA Red Carpet

But then do we honestly want her every body development literally thrown at our faces?!? No like seriously, they’re legit keeping tabs on her neck weight… literally speaking!

CHANGING THE STANDARDS OF BEAUTY

Kardashian is the epitome of perfection.
I discuss this in my popular post :  How socialite implies on us (read here)
Her eccentric and coveted beauty (so is her body figure) sort of dictates what’s good!
So while we all know having some meat to the bone is considered beautiful nowadays – *inside voices* Good Lord! When’s the butt revolution ever gonna halt? – what do you think should happen after the idol who mainstreamed curvacious bodies decides to shed it all off?

$h*t don’t add up right? ‘Coz the hell is gon’ happen to all de phat a**??

Since apparently thin is now the new sexy

beauty is being redefined and sampled by Kimberly.

COST OF WARDROBE CHANGES

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And now to the fashion, ooh the fashion! So it’s not new that Kim is a major style icon and that she surely does influence a lot of the trends in the fashion game. Top Designers want to dress her; girls and fans alike want to wear what she clads too.

Being a bit on the “pair-shaped” size she caters mostly for the curvy lady. Figure hugging outfits that show off every hump and lump is what we know her for.

But now guess what? She’s skinny… so obviously she’ll change her mode of dressing to well suit her trimmed down body.

~Idk about you… but we’re indeed gonna be swiping that credit card to ‘Keep Up With This Kardashian’ ~

SKINNY Vs CURVY

Me: Yea…She lost soo much weight lemme google a pic for you.
(I show her a picture on my phone screen)
My Friend: What?!? So this is her now? … how do you lose what you’re famous for?

That’s a convo I had a while back with another Kardashian enthusiast while watching a repeat episode of kuwtk on E! Network (Yo! girls will alway be girls :D)

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So while it may sound totally absurd why someone else’s weight should be considered such a big deal (to even be worthy of a discussion) … those who know this star get it!

[/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]
|Memo to Kiki|
–> So Kiks, what’s fit and healthy?
Should your relentless followers workout to pack on some extra pounds on the hips and derriere/ should they go on sugar diets to cut it off?
Is it cool to be thin/thick?
Should they be frustrated/content when the number on the scale goes down?

Girl, you are brewing some major chaos along the trail: Vegan; Gluten Free; Non-Dairy;Zero Cholesterol; Paleo Diets
(Some of which I have no idea what they really are; who knows what gluten even is??)
There’s gonna be a rise in the cases of forced anorexia! But NOT FOR ME! 

Im’ma just grab some popcorn and cotton candy while I sit back and wait to see all the outfits she’s gonna be rocking.
  
And I’m out ^peace^
[/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]

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@Okumu_Joyce

As to why caged birds plead

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Symbolic Insight.
Up, up, and away they fly. Wuthering heights young, wild, and free without a worry in the world. These are birds.
Now picture an unfortunate caged bird. Caged by the freewill of another being, human, or inhuman like a clogged brush(in the wild) that has imprisoned it – causing it to sulk in dispair~ doomed!
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Nothing’s more turning off in life than negative energy. Worse yet when it’s from another party.
From experience, I’ve resolved that patronising remarks and impressions posed to someone, especially on their health deeply sours with quick reflex. Just that |”___Cause Your Sick_”| no matter how faint or subtle goes a long way in damage.

Being friends with a Shizophernic girl I’ve known, I have had a perspective change of view on Mental&Psychological patients. I’ve come to appreciate that they’re not creeps or freaks; they’re just in a slippy conditions; and most of all it’s NOT THEIR FAULT!
Obscure monikers like ʹPsycho` and ʹSpecial` have long gone swept my tongue.

My friend once confessed that one major set back in her recovery procedure, is the treatment and attitude she has to deal with from immediate and distant people(aware of her condition) throughout her life. According to her, people’s outlook towards her and how she’s regarded in society, tips her more into relapses than actually her presiding health status.
She abhors and constantly denounces differenciality when it comes to how she’s seen and treated by others: “Am not a lesser or any different person than you are.”
/NO! They don’t need your Sympathy or Pity just your Understanding/

Mental/Psychological persons are like any other medical patients; On the contrary pills and doctrine suppliments don’t cure them. It’s all in their brains&subconscious mind. Feelings; Emotions; Moods and Thoughts: these are the ailing faults in need for cure. As you can see all these are intangible making the recovery procedure self-centered. It’s almost like they are their own doctors since, despite talks and advice given during physiotherapy and/or counselling, it’s down to One Man’s Island—individual treatment [hysterically, It’s every man for himself, to say the least]

Most of all, *Never judge or Pin-Point or Imply that their moral and behavioral misconducts are due to their mental state~this kill more than a stab in the temple.
Grand pounds of: ego, self esteem, self value, self worth and self image, are dragged in the mud and killed, by that foul and influential negativity.

Symbolic Insight.
Easen up the paws and claws and let the birdie go…Give the caged bird a reason to sing again.
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#Raising_Awareness on behalf of all Mental Patients.

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@Okumu_Joyce

Depression is a Trip

Depression isn’t an emotion easy to be expressed by those suffering it. It’s a distressed and lonely state of being for those in it. A dark cloud looms over them. They wallow in dispear and hopelessness.

It robs them off all of life’s treats: joy, happiness, love, hope and courage – leaving a dredging feeling of emptiness and dumpness. A bitter aftertaste. An existance of no meaning. A fog of sadness that to them seems too familiar to shake off.
Continue reading “Depression is a Trip”

Could intelligence just be about genes?

DNA Brain

Recent claims seem to suggest so. However it is an area in genetics still under research by professionals in their field. But it does seem rather daunting, doesn’t it? Telling us that our level of mental IQ is somewhat written in our genome. This could subsequently mean that those of us (especially those still in school) who struggle with learning new formulas or acquiring a new set of skills, could just throw in the towel quite (scientifically) easily and despair ’cause … well it all depends on my DNA sequence!

Ethically this may be considered wrong. But numerous longitudinal studies undertaken plus evidence does prove it be quite the real deal. So what does this really mean??

DECIPHER THAT

BBC ARTICLE

Continue reading “Could intelligence just be about genes?”