’20’ Is The Golden Year

It’s Summeeeerrrr ya’ll! 
The sun is out, we get to put on ’em shorts and shades as we soak in these rays in our two-piece 😉 mahn! what a time to be alive 🙂 🙂

So yes. I know. It’s been crickets up in here. 

Haven’t posted in a while; but you know life just happens and as writers we go through the dreaded periods of writers’ block… So I hadda take a creative  break but now my mojo’s back on. Yay!

Being an adult is hard work (you should totally take my advice seriously, I was 19 a month  ago) 

Idk do you guys date at all? Like in this day and age is dating still a thing we do? I mean I don’t date. As a matter of fact haven’t dated yet. See there is this genius webseries a friend of mine got me hooked on ToughLoveSeries – Just type that in the youtube search engine to have a look. Trust me it’s superb! They got nominated for a daytime Emmy, so it’s a big deal!

And in this show one of characters –Alicia – said and I quote:

Black guys don’t do the we are now exclusive thing. They love to say “we’re talking” like, what does that even mean? My boyfriend and I were talking for way longer than we should

Listen, relationships are complex and each one has a different experience so I ain’t one to judge where or at what stage you draw the line between just talking and full on dating… Food4Thought?

So one night I was “talking” ( lol! Literally we were sitted looking at the stars. Haha Ikr? Boujie sh*t) to this guy I know who is no longer in my life. And he taking me through the typical stages of a girl’s life. He talked of this timeline that to him represents the classic traditional woman. By that I think he meant she wasn’t no extreme man-hating feminist; moderately career oriented; wanted a family; believed in destiny and eternal love. 

So he said.

At 18 she’s a teenager. At 19 she begins to notice her feminine features and starts acting lady-like and is consious of how she dresses. At 20 still being a lady. At 21 now she starts thinking about her dream wedding. At 22 about this time she’s graduating from college. At 23 she’s RSVP all the parties and is living life hard and wild. At 24 she realises she needs some stability finds a job and moves out of her parents house. At 25 Oh boy! Her clock is ticking she starts being strategic with the men she dates and marriage is her priority.

Cool story bro. 

But why we hatin’ on 20 tho? What’s still being a lady? Like she was trans or something before?

He clearly didn’t have much to say about 20yr olds. Almost to assume they just but a passage/transition period to the next! But we matter too.

20 is bountiful to say the least

*I’ve had my first “job” and made my first penny.

*I’ve first hand experienced the frustration that comes with selling someone a product.

*I’ve made a significant stride in my career

*I’ve grown more in my spiritual faith

*I’ve made mistakes and bad choices in my “talking-ships” and learnt from that.

And in general I’ve just gotten rid of soo much BS and focused on what I want in my journey through life.

But then again I do feel that timeline above, is so narrow-minded. Although in a way when I sat down and thought about it it does represent most women. Women wanting to live that normal life. 

But heck there are those of us who dare to go against the grind. Beat the mould and be ambitious. ‘Cause to him his definition of 20 is far left to mine so yeah! 

Scratch that. Be you. There isn’t one way to live life.

GLAD YOU DROPPED BY 🙂

LIKE AND COMMENT IF YOU ENJOYED MY PIECE

Trash_That_”Manuscript”

For real I dunno you guys… it’s like I get really sentimental and mushy each time I get a year older (take the hint here people!!)
😉

But wait a second, why is that though? I know other people who do this too, otherwise if left to me I’d just tell ya it’s ’cause I’m a dramatic psycho, but we can’t all possibly be psycho, soo…

See its something called the psychology of aging . As you get older you feel the sense of accountability: what do I have to show for my life? Then we get that nudge to look back at our lives and all those turning points in our pasts that have helped shape the individuals that we are today. Talk of a nostalgic bug? Am I right?

(Life gets crazy busy I have to admit… so my regular blog posting has been in this rut! But not to worry that creative writing mojo will come storming right in, in a few. )

A while back not soo long ago; I remember expressing to you all how I was at this state of dismay and confusion. I’d advice you read that post before hand, just incase you hadn’t.
(My) Identity Crisis
That way you’ll make much more sense of this post and it’ll give background to what I’m about to say here.

In hindsight, now that I reflect on it, I was most likely in a state of depressed but after working on myself and taking the time off to think soberly I came to this wonderous state of “deeper-rest” and never before have I felt better.

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Since then I have been soaked in happiness, confidence, contentment, and this positive good vibes feeling.
It’s almost like “everyone’s rainbow appears after a storm”

There is this song lyric that goes a bit like

You’ll never know you are high until you feeling low

For us to really appreciate the good things we have in life we’ll have to hit rock-bottom and rise from those ashes. Totally reinventing yourself entire. That was sort of my rock-bottom I guess 🙂

The word manuscript is a lot like manual. A definitive pre-planned way of doing something, so to speak, I hope google concurs with me.

Observe all that surrounds you and your day-to-day life and interactions (stop and do it right now). Observe how society (however subtle) indirectly dictates the manner in which things should be done, so as to gain approval, or as they would tell you “meet the cut” or what’s “good enough”. Like where did this all go wrong… and get soo messed up!?!

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Zoning in to my scenario I believe I was trying to conform, constantly sizing up and adjusting my nature (who I really was that I had abandoned) to be this person that I don’t even know, because of all that non-sense that was fed into my subconcious mind. Listen to me… that garbage can be stressful and frustrating as hell once you realise its never been (and never will be) a ONE SIZE FITS ALL type of world.

I had to press that reset button and start on a clean slate to really gain clarity and just dump that trash

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for good (handy sessions of meditation and yoga played a part). I started to see where I was conviniently lying to myself and deceiving my identity to be something I was not – and frankly was never comfortable being. Then I started being true to Joyce  🙂 *that’s me btw* and let her raw self emerge. I did so unappologeticly and without excuses whatsoever. It was evident to people that I had significantly changed… but really all I became (or had become) was ME. And Goddamit it feels soo good. Soo good.
I just stopped caring. I just stopped giving a damn anymore how what I said/did was perceived.
And guess what? It paid off. I got to mend a couple of my close family relationships I had damaged in the past; I became more accepting of rejection and not feeling wanted; I became more aware of my feelings… and I just got rid of a lot of the BS in my life.

‘Coz Real Talk :
You know what?
When it all comes down to it, as you lay your head on that pillow for the night, all that matters is how you feel deep inside of you. Are you happy with yourself? Do you feel you’ve done all that it takes to make yourself happy? Are you living a lie (like I was evidently doing back then), or Are you walking in your TRUTH?

In this life that we live in the least you can do is:
Be you. Do you. For you.
             ______________

Feel free to share like and comment.
It’s always an honour to hear from you guys 🙂 🙂

Food for thought
What manuscript do you need to get rid of in your life?

(My) Identity Crisis

I never like getting personal about myself and what I go through, to other peeps… be it close friends/ distant aquitances. Why lie? I struggle! It’s not naturally in me to be vulnerable; to let my guard down… partly we could pay dues to my upbringing for this attribute but for the most part, well, weakness just ain’t a flattering look on me. NO, Sir

I gotta be strong;
Stand Tall, Chin up, Nose stiff;
Front like you all put together, when you a damn wrecking ball inside of you

But right about now we’re gonna tear down that wall (forget Trump’s plan to be erecting dem walls… Oh! its his inauguration period btw cheers to that 🙂 🙂 )

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Point blank: I don’t know who (the hell) I am anymore! I lost touch of what I stood for, my ambitions and drive, what I believed in, my daily routines are jacked up, my healthy routines now dry bones of the past. I really have no sence of accountability or discipline since of late all I’ve been doing is living life as it came by. Yesterday…today… tomorrow… the day after… all have one thing in common that differentiates them, the date and day of the week, other than that they all basically the same! I’m stuck in this rut and it’s insane!!

As bloggers we need to keep ourselves updated with what’s buzzing the blogsphere. I pulled out this quote straight out of a post from a motivation and lifestyle blog I follow. It sufficiently summarises my predicaments…

“I’m drained and so very tired of all the anxiety, negativity and stress. Too often my mind is consumed with unforgiving thoughts, and every muscle in my body is full of tension. It hurts. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t want to feel like I live in a whirlwind of constant exhaustion. I don’t want to just ‘get by’ day to day…” | #Word

That was an email from their coaching student, shared by consent (identity was withheld)

You know I can remember a time when I was soo full of life and was really excited about things and soo pro positivity! Now I’m just, Meh :p

I tend to do the exact same things each and every waking day, the same exact way. Like even when I do try to blend in variety it just stalls! Nothing changes. And being the rainbows of the zodiac (I’m gemini) ; we just can’t stand monotony for a bit! So the mere fact that I’ve been complacent in this state all this while, is frightening me!?!
“Excuse me Miss, who the heck ARE YOU?”
“Me?”

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What’s an Identity Crisis?

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I wasn’t quite sure if what I was feeling actually had a name… ’till I googled it. Is there any problem out there that google can’t solve??

Somewhere down there it read “… is also widely considered a psychological disorder in which an individual…”
Hold up! What? Those sound like White people problems!
Nope that ain’t it… we’ll stick to the standard definition given in that image(pic) above.

I be just confused ya’ll. I’m kinda lost in the moment.

Could be it’s because I’m still settling in to this new life?

Looking for the spot where I best fit in,

Trying to find common ground and a tribe I can relate to,

Or maybe because it’s just but our human nature to find faults in all else but the source… thats me

Yo! I NEED A BREAK, A TIME OUT!

I need to smell the air again, and be conscious of how it feels like. I wanna hear my heartbeats as I meditate and relax. I’m tired of being busy just being busy. I want back the time I used to spend on myself. The moments I felt calm and not nervous each time I was alone. I want people around when neccessary and not just so I may avoid feeling alone. I want back my independence; I want back the old me I knew and loved 🙂

Fingers crossed the next time I be here venting, I’ll be telling of how I successfully got to untick these checklists:

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“Hopefully she’ll be her again”
“The one we knew?”
“The one we know.”

Hit that Like button and let me know what you think in the Comments section below.
Remember to keep Reading, Smiling And stay Joyous and Inspired Always 🙂 🙂 🙂

This is where beauty went wrong

‘Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’… I won’t lie this here is one of those phrases I was taught in grammar class but hadn’t really understood what it meant – atleast at that time when I was like 13yrs. But you don’t question the teacher, right?  Or the book; Or the authors of the book; Or the origin of where the people who wrote the book really is : Nope you do not! God forbid you dare, you just take it as it is and somehow it’ll make sense … as for me this particular one didn’t then, and hasn’t yet up until now!

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See here’s why I have a problem with this : if something is physically attractive or good to look at, it remains to be that way regardless of whether you are attracted to it or not! Finding something that admires you is one thing, however being drawn towards it is another.

|”k, so where are we headed with this?” *SIGH* | I hear you asking yourself.

Continue reading “This is where beauty went wrong”

A generation of Fads

So someone once challenged me and told me the internet has been a breeding ground of “narcissistic intelligence”… being the hardnut that I am, there had to be a heated back-and-forth before I was totally convinced about this matter ( I always crave a good debate; and the opportunity presented itself).

Who’s a narcissist?

A habit in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.

Strictly, it’s used to mean being self-absorbed and having an inflated opinion on ourselves and our capabilities… not to be confused with self esteem, but there’s a thin line separating the two extremes. Being confident is good but being cocky about it is another.

So back to this altercation I had, it does seem true to say we are ignorant with our online ‘persona’ : We give savvy political commentary on twitter debates and forums; take part in “big talks” on facebook groups and pages so as to inflate our up-to-date knowledge; whenever we do come across a thought-provoking article online we leave comments that are well written full of linguistics to prove we are well articulate and word smart!

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And all for what?!? The praise and status quo we believe we have. And yes this is narcissistic of us since we only give this much effort because the internet helps distant ourselves from the reality we live in… so we feel safe to be a ‘somebody’ to other nobody(s) we know nothing about and who wouldn’t otherwise know the person we really are… it’s a feel good mind illusion. And don’t roll your eyes at me we both know that’s true myself included. Just that act of having an active online presence has the power to make us feel we are greater than what we are. Feel more knowledgable than our intelligence allows of us.

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A false sense of importance

On Social Media
I decided to quit all social media activity 3yrs ago since I realised it was a constructive way of wasting my life. It took a little bit of maturity and common sense to see just how much of my time I was investing in meaningless stuff. Time that at the time,  I would have used on improving myselfrather than on gaining more IG followers and posting happenings of my life that were of no use to other people. But whether this is anything to me or not… this is the culture of our generation today.

~The millennials 15 to 29 year olds of this day and age

We are head over heels on “improving” and “maintaining” our social media image so as to meet the cut on what society values good/worthy.

It’s a TOTAL frenzy!!! No, you don’t look anything like those picture perfect selfie photos... it’s all in the angle and image edits. No your 1Million instagram followers don’t give you real gravitation or fame… they are people who care less about who you are as a person and more about what you post for them to feast on! Those 500 facebook likes means you are popular… to a virtual reality crowd. And twitter? The followers… Do You personally know any one of them?

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It’s a fad for christ sake. And this is what a fad is :

An intense and widely shared enthusiasm for something, especially one that is short-lived and without basis in the object’s qualities; a craze.

I think each demon is beautiful. So although all these false “personalities” we create leads us to fall prey to inferiority complexes … they do give meaning to how we relate to one other in society.

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You’re either cool or lame; hot or not; smart or naive; street savvy or clueless; talented or average… this is what our society perpetuates. Labels and identities are the order of the day. See it as a blesssing or curse… just try not to lose yourself. #Live in your truth

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Be authentic; It's important

Hit that Like button and let me know what you think in the Comments section below.
Remember to keep Reading, Smiling And stay Joyous and Inspired Always 🙂 🙂 🙂

Truths To Highschooling

Time moves slowly, but passes by swiftly ~

It feels just like a while ago I was in my freshman periods through highschool.

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Talk of fresh starts? … More like anxious states!
Anxious of the unknowns, social anxiety was easy to get succumbed to ; Ooh No but not for me (for others other than myself it could apply). See, being a people’s person is one of the things I thank the gods for! I’m good with people and I have a natural ablility to work and easily relate to different kinds of personalities (not to brag but I’m bragging 🙂 #JustSaying ).

So mingling and making friends was not as such topping my “Worry List”. Honey, I had other issues bugging me : Where’s the nearest place to get food? {‘coz gurl’s gotta feed} ; Do I know where my next class is gonna be? { Idk ’bout you? But have you conveniently spent the entire lesson time in an empty room thinking you were to have an actual class there? Yea, I had my fair share of these; owh And getting misplaced and lost allatime}

What I was constantly bothered by was fitting in! Don’t get me wrong you can do all the mingling good, but if you can’t get accepted by the pack… then you’re gonna have a problem! Which was in turn my problem, because I tend to be a people pleaser in a way. Always wanting everyone and anyone to like me… like why wouldn’t you like me?!? To me there was no reason not to! AT ALL

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And methinks this yarn for acceptance is universal. Inclusive but NOT limited to high school going peers. I cleared school around June this year, so memories of it still linger on – hangovers. The highs&lows, The drama&realism, The fun&cruelty, The tears&laughter.

I’ve been there, Done that, Left doing it… And bought a t-shirt

Listen, you are at your prime age during secondary school. That’s where all the magic happens… the growing, the discovering, the learning and finding who you are as an individual. You mold your character accordingly by making the right choices. And peer influence is REAL too!

I reckon at some point I was torn on who I should be/how I should act in order to gain acceptence in the eyes of my peers. #TheStruggleIsReal I tell you. I cocooned my vibrant personality and the ‘real me’ in order to be who they wanted to see in me. This is one of the biggest mistakes I made. Luckily I grew past this and with time I matured and began living in my truth.

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So looking back at it all (now) , Here’s some truths I’d want to tell my 15yrs old self fresh from middle school.

1. Sieze the day – Carpe Diem! –and take up as many chances and opportunities as they arise because 20yrs from now you’ll be more disappointed at the things you didn’t do than those you did do!

2. Make an experiment of yourself.

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Try new things out and never shy away from things that are well off your comfort levels. Or those that seem new to you. You’ll never know if you don’t try.

3. People will always have something to say no matter what you do! People’s opinion on issues is life lived through their eyes. Customised and biased by past experiences. But they aren’t you, are they? So be you with no appologies!

4. Nothing lasts… sadly even the friendships we made were not guarnteed to stand the test of time (mine didn’t, did yours). So socialize extensively but keep focus. You’re not in it together, you are in it collectively on your own.

5. It’s NOT a Popularity Contest... If it were we’d select a winner, but we didn’t! If you have to put a bushel over your own verson of you (the aunthentic you) ; you’ve got toxity to deal with.

6. When it’s all said and done life is all about making mistakes! Make many of them, you’re not the first to do so! Take lessons learnt, dust your knees and get back to making even more mistakes because it is in that that genius comes about.

7. Don’t take life too seriously ~ although it is. Let loose, laugh heartifully, love honestly, speak truthfully, live rightly, mingle freely. You know the motto yolo!

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Look, let’s be real. High school is full of lots and lots of BS! It’s that optimal stage in life where we all flex our character muscles. Too much sass going around; plenty of oestrogen in the air… so then it goes without mentioning tensions and tantrums are gonna arise all around us. No doubt about that. But you gotta just deal… And when it feels like you can’t :

Just let Go
And let Go(d)

P.s
If there’s anything you’d pick up from this post just remember these words,

“You can never stand out if you are always trying to fit in

Those who mind don’t matter;
Those who matter don’t mind

Am I Good Enough?

Time and again we’ve all been told how wrong it is to compare ourselves with others. That we are all talented differently and have our own strengths and weaknesses that we ought to appreciate and nurture. And that in this life we got to work on growing and getting better at our own journey.

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UP UNTIL THERE I Agree… where I disapprove is when someone tells me that I am beyond doubt good enough … and fit for the road just as I am; And that I should feel content in my capabilities and constantly remind myself how worthy it is to be just as I am!

Now listen I’m a firm believer of positive thinking and I can attest that motivation is a key ingridient to living a happy peaceful life.
Could be, reading those self-help books and repetitively listening to positive affirmation audio clips {I’m a sucker for this}, helps keep us at ease, when we oh soo need it! – (’cause life does tend to get a bit overwhelming and at times we feel like we’re in a whirlwind of chaotic mess bleh! I know this feeling oh too well… just gotta Suck it up!)

But then do we really want to feel like we are indeed good enough?
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Even at those things that we know for certain we suck at doing? Because who am I kidding? I know that there are a couple of things or two in life that I simply cannot do! Maybe it’s because I lack proper experience (like playing golf) or my human ability just falls short and I can’t do it even though I tried (like drawing and painting… I have no artistic sense woven in my DNA, Like no joke. It’s pathetic!). So evidently you see there’re things that I can do super well and others that I’ll struggle with; and that’s the case with each and every one of us. Like something has gotta give. You’re not superman or wonderwoman … the superficiality that disney fed our young budding minds were white lies!

Ever heard of autism? And how persons who have this health condition tend to conduct themselves? They show certain extremes in their behaviour and how they relate to others. I myself recently heard of this and I’m still learning more about it. Maybe you should too?? Just saying!
So to a parent with a child who has autistic tendancies, most of them tell their kids that despite all the negative downsides they may have with regards to their character… they are good at some other things and that’s all that matters~

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Here’s a link to learn more about autism

See here’s the thing I’m trying to put across : we can’t do it all, Right? *head nod*. And even those that we can be able to do… it’s almost impossible to claim we are pro’s/perfect at it.

I may be good at doing X but there’s – without doubt- someone else where somewhere who is better than me at it… so I can’t say I’m good enough ! In as much as we may want to tell ourselves we are good … to make us feel some type of way; in reality we ain’t.

Lets face the facts head on guys, ‘coz honestly not everyone can be a Beyoncé or a Usain Bolt or a Bill Gates or even Oprah (hmmm I wouldn’t mind being worth 4bn USD :p), but that’s perfectly okay!

So if you were to ask me right now :

   Are you good enough? No
Do you want to feel good enough? Still NO.. huh? why?

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Simply because complacency is scary to me. I always hunger to be better, I crave something bigger and mighty than I am today. The reason why my yesterday isn’t my today is because I didn’t let myself feel (or imagine) like I’m good enough. I know I have my strengths but I look to making them even more stronger as I work on my weaknesses.

TO BREAK OUR BARRIERS AND GROW ; WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND WE ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

                  _Fin_

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@Okumu_Joyce

3 Reasons to cut off Toxic People

      “Show me your friends,
            and I’ll tell you
              who you are”

You are who you spend most of your time with ; we’ve heard this ,right? In as much as its been used severally… just like any other cliché there is some element of truth in it.

I remember I was told this alot growing up by my teachers in school and my parents in an attempt to try and monitor who I hanged out with. Me thinks it was their way of choosing our friends for us… Continue reading “3 Reasons to cut off Toxic People”

This is where beauty went wrong

‘Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’… I won’t lie this here is one of those phrases I was taught in grammar class but hadn’t really understood what it meant – atleast at that time when I was like 13yrs. But you don’t question the teacher, right?  Or the book; Or the authors of the book; Or the origin of where the people who wrote the book really is : Nope you do not! God forbid you dare, you just take it as it is and somehow it’ll make sense … as for me this particular one didn’t then, and hasn’t yet up until now!

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See here’s why I have a problem with this : if something is physically attractive or good to look at, it remains to be that way regardless of whether you are attracted to it or not! Finding something that admires you is one thing, however being drawn towards it is another.

|”k, so where are we headed with this?” *SIGH* | I hear you asking yourself.

Continue reading “This is where beauty went wrong”

A generation of Fads

So someone once challenged me and told me the internet has been a breeding ground of “narcissistic intelligence”… being the hardnut that I am, there had to be a heated back-and-forth before I was totally convinced about this matter ( I always crave a good debate; and the opportunity presented itself).

Who’s a narcissist?

A habit in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.

Strictly, it’s used to mean being self-absorbed and having an inflated opinion on ourselves and our capabilities… not to be confused with self esteem, but there’s a thin line separating the two extremes. Being confident is good but being cocky about it is another.

So back to this altercation I had, it does seem true to say we are ignorant with our online ‘persona’ : We give savvy political commentary on twitter debates and forums; take part in “big talks” on facebook groups and pages so as to inflate our up-to-date knowledge; whenever we do come across a thought-provoking article online we leave comments that are well written full of linguistics to prove we are well articulate and word smart!

image

And all for what?!? The praise and status quo we believe we have. And yes this is narcissistic of us since we only give this much effort because the internet helps distant ourselves from the reality we live in… so we feel safe to be a ‘somebody’ to other nobody(s) we know nothing about and who wouldn’t otherwise know the person we really are… it’s a feel good mind illusion. And don’t roll your eyes at me we both know that’s true myself included. Just that act of having an active online presence has the power to make us feel we are greater than what we are. Feel more knowledgable than our intelligence allows of us.

image
A false sense of importance

On Social Media
I decided to quit all social media activity 3yrs ago since I realised it was a constructive way of wasting my life. It took a little bit of maturity and common sense to see just how much of my time I was investing in meaningless stuff. Time that at the time,  I would have used on improving myselfrather than on gaining more IG followers and posting happenings of my life that were of no use to other people. But whether this is anything to me or not… this is the culture of our generation today.

~The millennials 15 to 29 year olds of this day and age

We are head over heels on “improving” and “maintaining” our social media image so as to meet the cut on what society values good/worthy.

It’s a TOTAL frenzy!!! No, you don’t look anything like those picture perfect selfie photos... it’s all in the angle and image edits. No your 1Million instagram followers don’t give you real gravitation or fame… they are people who care less about who you are as a person and more about what you post for them to feast on! Those 500 facebook likes means you are popular… to a virtual reality crowd. And twitter? The followers… Do You personally know any one of them?

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It’s a fad for christ sake. And this is what a fad is :

An intense and widely shared enthusiasm for something, especially one that is short-lived and without basis in the object’s qualities; a craze.

I think each demon is beautiful. So although all these false “personalities” we create leads us to fall prey to inferiority complexes … they do give meaning to how we relate to one other in society.

image

You’re either cool or lame; hot or not; smart or naive; street savvy or clueless; talented or average… this is what our society perpetuates. Labels and identities are the order of the day. See it as a blesssing or curse… just try not to lose yourself. #Live in your truth

image
Be authentic; It's important

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