The Hopeless Romantic

[ Journal Entry ] as written by Mary Jo Kate.

Date : April the 21th of 2017

I don’t claim to know much about love, but without reasonable doubt though, I can say I know a whole lot there is to know about my love life... emphasis on the word “my”.

I’ll give this to you for free, my love endevours meh! not much to write home about ; unless ofcourse we’d consider a trial of (Ill-chosen) misfits worthy of the title “dates” … then well yeah, I guess we can say I have a story to tell.

Now enough of the poetry, here’s what’s up

Hopeless romantic… ever heard of that word before? My guess is yes! Now I’m sure some of ya’ll out there ought to be just like me; we hear/read this catchy word being used once and almost instantly register it to our vocabulary ready to make use of this boujie-like sounding word the second we get a chance to flex our corny side.

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See, up until the past 19yrs of my life, I always thought hopeless romantic is a means-as-its-read piece of literature. Like why should life be soo complicated?

Q. What’s Hopeless Romantic?
Me: You are pathetic and hence useless/hopeless when it comes to romance.

But then this thingie called google happened to humanity and proved me dumb

Q. What’s Hopeless Romantic?
Google: A hopeless romantic is an expression describing a person who has romantic notions about life. For a hopeless romantic: life = love. Especially when that person is involved in a relationship – He/she thinks about love and romantic relationships in a different way than other people.

Okay so we can give google the credit for trying to make me sound better than I really am, because I do consider myself a hopeless romantic … only difference is that I am indeed HOPELESS! I Ain’t Playing :

#Exhibit 1
The Neat-Freak

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Jimmy was a good guy, the one you take home to papa and will instantly gain approval of my paps just because of one tiny important detail; he knew the essence of using a belt unlike all dem other kids from the 90’s (he don’t sag his pants)
And Ma would fall deeply in love with this guy’s neatness she’ll fail to see any vices in Jim’s character.

—Jury decision —
But yo, who in the world has color-coded underwear in their closet, that get ironed before being worn?!?
DENIED

#Exhibit 2
The D*ck

Larry, for lack of a better clean vocabulary to use was a complete  dick!
He was the flashy type, with his cheap ass sneakers on and fake Ray Ban glasses acting all punked up, always fishing for a compliment each time we met over a 1dollar 99 cent ($1.99) buffet.

—Jury decision —
I’d rather take the next bus to hell and come back cycling than spend a life-time with him… anything to just get away!
DENIED

#Exhibit 3
Mr.Goodie-too-shoes

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Daniel was the perfect recipe for a boring, monotonous, repetitive, average, routine, common boyfriend. Now I’m not saying books are lame,  but he was just a smart fart. You can train anyone to be well book smart, but life in particular my life, needs more stimuli.
I’m naturally smart, my grades are up, so with that regard I guess thats why I can relate with Danny, BUT

—Jury decision —
Were I to be stranded in an empty island, Danny would most likely be the first person to not bring with me. ‘Coz I’d rather die of hunger&acidity rather than boredom
DENIED

#Exhibit 4
The Rapper Wanna be

Being cool is cool… but trynna act cool is just lame (sorry!)
And trust me I can smell an imposter from a mile away. Boy don’t be hitting on me with some “fabricated black guy accent” told Ricko several times to stop twining when around me… the dude couldn’t listen!
“… aight”
” Fo sho’ “
” shawty “

—Jury decision —
Who you playing Ricko?? You ain’t African-American you fraud niggar!
DENIED

#Exhibit 5
“Big Boy on Campus”

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Tito, too hot to handle to cool to leave. He was actually really pretty, and believe me its quite near to impossible that I give compliments nonetheless to a guy!

He was the type of guy all other boys want to be and all the ladies want to be with. The attention he got because of his killer looks and ripped bod, was the reason I bowed out reasonably from the relationship.

—Jury decision —
Nothing against Tito but… I kinda want to be the only cute one in bed. So once again…
DENIED

STORY OF MY LIFE ; Didn’t I tell you I was hopeless? Now you clearly can see why! 🙂

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(My) Identity Crisis

I never like getting personal about myself and what I go through, to other peeps… be it close friends/ distant aquitances. Why lie? I struggle! It’s not naturally in me to be vulnerable; to let my guard down… partly we could pay dues to my upbringing for this attribute but for the most part, well, weakness just ain’t a flattering look on me. NO, Sir

I gotta be strong;
Stand Tall, Chin up, Nose stiff;
Front like you all put together, when you a damn wrecking ball inside of you

But right about now we’re gonna tear down that wall (forget Trump’s plan to be erecting dem walls… Oh! its his inauguration period btw cheers to that 🙂 🙂 )

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Point blank: I don’t know who (the hell) I am anymore! I lost touch of what I stood for, my ambitions and drive, what I believed in, my daily routines are jacked up, my healthy routines now dry bones of the past. I really have no sence of accountability or discipline since of late all I’ve been doing is living life as it came by. Yesterday…today… tomorrow… the day after… all have one thing in common that differentiates them, the date and day of the week, other than that they all basically the same! I’m stuck in this rut and it’s insane!!

As bloggers we need to keep ourselves updated with what’s buzzing the blogsphere. I pulled out this quote straight out of a post from a motivation and lifestyle blog I follow. It sufficiently summarises my predicaments…

“I’m drained and so very tired of all the anxiety, negativity and stress. Too often my mind is consumed with unforgiving thoughts, and every muscle in my body is full of tension. It hurts. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t want to feel like I live in a whirlwind of constant exhaustion. I don’t want to just ‘get by’ day to day…” | #Word

That was an email from their coaching student, shared by consent (identity was withheld)

You know I can remember a time when I was soo full of life and was really excited about things and soo pro positivity! Now I’m just, Meh :p

I tend to do the exact same things each and every waking day, the same exact way. Like even when I do try to blend in variety it just stalls! Nothing changes. And being the rainbows of the zodiac (I’m gemini) ; we just can’t stand monotony for a bit! So the mere fact that I’ve been complacent in this state all this while, is frightening me!?!
“Excuse me Miss, who the heck ARE YOU?”
“Me?”

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What’s an Identity Crisis?

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I wasn’t quite sure if what I was feeling actually had a name… ’till I googled it. Is there any problem out there that google can’t solve??

Somewhere down there it read “… is also widely considered a psychological disorder in which an individual…”
Hold up! What? Those sound like White people problems!
Nope that ain’t it… we’ll stick to the standard definition given in that image(pic) above.

I be just confused ya’ll. I’m kinda lost in the moment.

Could be it’s because I’m still settling in to this new life?

Looking for the spot where I best fit in,

Trying to find common ground and a tribe I can relate to,

Or maybe because it’s just but our human nature to find faults in all else but the source… thats me

Yo! I NEED A BREAK, A TIME OUT!

I need to smell the air again, and be conscious of how it feels like. I wanna hear my heartbeats as I meditate and relax. I’m tired of being busy just being busy. I want back the time I used to spend on myself. The moments I felt calm and not nervous each time I was alone. I want people around when neccessary and not just so I may avoid feeling alone. I want back my independence; I want back the old me I knew and loved 🙂

Fingers crossed the next time I be here venting, I’ll be telling of how I successfully got to untick these checklists:

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“Hopefully she’ll be her again”
“The one we knew?”
“The one we know.”

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Remember to keep Reading, Smiling And stay Joyous and Inspired Always 🙂 🙂 🙂

This is where beauty went wrong

‘Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’… I won’t lie this here is one of those phrases I was taught in grammar class but hadn’t really understood what it meant – atleast at that time when I was like 13yrs. But you don’t question the teacher, right?  Or the book; Or the authors of the book; Or the origin of where the people who wrote the book really is : Nope you do not! God forbid you dare, you just take it as it is and somehow it’ll make sense … as for me this particular one didn’t then, and hasn’t yet up until now!

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See here’s why I have a problem with this : if something is physically attractive or good to look at, it remains to be that way regardless of whether you are attracted to it or not! Finding something that admires you is one thing, however being drawn towards it is another.

|”k, so where are we headed with this?” *SIGH* | I hear you asking yourself.

Continue reading “This is where beauty went wrong”

Am I Good Enough?

Time and again we’ve all been told how wrong it is to compare ourselves with others. That we are all talented differently and have our own strengths and weaknesses that we ought to appreciate and nurture. And that in this life we got to work on growing and getting better at our own journey.

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UP UNTIL THERE I Agree… where I disapprove is when someone tells me that I am beyond doubt good enough … and fit for the road just as I am; And that I should feel content in my capabilities and constantly remind myself how worthy it is to be just as I am!

Now listen I’m a firm believer of positive thinking and I can attest that motivation is a key ingridient to living a happy peaceful life.
Could be, reading those self-help books and repetitively listening to positive affirmation audio clips {I’m a sucker for this}, helps keep us at ease, when we oh soo need it! – (’cause life does tend to get a bit overwhelming and at times we feel like we’re in a whirlwind of chaotic mess bleh! I know this feeling oh too well… just gotta Suck it up!)

But then do we really want to feel like we are indeed good enough?
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Even at those things that we know for certain we suck at doing? Because who am I kidding? I know that there are a couple of things or two in life that I simply cannot do! Maybe it’s because I lack proper experience (like playing golf) or my human ability just falls short and I can’t do it even though I tried (like drawing and painting… I have no artistic sense woven in my DNA, Like no joke. It’s pathetic!). So evidently you see there’re things that I can do super well and others that I’ll struggle with; and that’s the case with each and every one of us. Like something has gotta give. You’re not superman or wonderwoman … the superficiality that disney fed our young budding minds were white lies!

Ever heard of autism? And how persons who have this health condition tend to conduct themselves? They show certain extremes in their behaviour and how they relate to others. I myself recently heard of this and I’m still learning more about it. Maybe you should too?? Just saying!
So to a parent with a child who has autistic tendancies, most of them tell their kids that despite all the negative downsides they may have with regards to their character… they are good at some other things and that’s all that matters~

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Here’s a link to learn more about autism

See here’s the thing I’m trying to put across : we can’t do it all, Right? *head nod*. And even those that we can be able to do… it’s almost impossible to claim we are pro’s/perfect at it.

I may be good at doing X but there’s – without doubt- someone else where somewhere who is better than me at it… so I can’t say I’m good enough ! In as much as we may want to tell ourselves we are good … to make us feel some type of way; in reality we ain’t.

Lets face the facts head on guys, ‘coz honestly not everyone can be a Beyoncé or a Usain Bolt or a Bill Gates or even Oprah (hmmm I wouldn’t mind being worth 4bn USD :p), but that’s perfectly okay!

So if you were to ask me right now :

   Are you good enough? No
Do you want to feel good enough? Still NO.. huh? why?

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Simply because complacency is scary to me. I always hunger to be better, I crave something bigger and mighty than I am today. The reason why my yesterday isn’t my today is because I didn’t let myself feel (or imagine) like I’m good enough. I know I have my strengths but I look to making them even more stronger as I work on my weaknesses.

TO BREAK OUR BARRIERS AND GROW ; WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND WE ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

                  _Fin_

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Beating And/Or Teaching!?

Who likes being whacked whooped whipped okay to be fair let’s use the more kid-friendly word : disciplined. Not that the very act of it is any lenient than getting a thorough whooping… but growing up I was told I was being disciplined each time I got a beating.

Joyce, I’m not beating you;
        I’m disciplining you
   So next time you know better!

Okay, I’m not soo sure about you, but the truth lies in the proof! There was : physical discomfort and harm, injury, crying, pain, moodiness —>> yea that was more or less a beating I got… no matter the vocabulary! Being told you were being disciplined back then; sounded way more liberal than torturous. And it made it okay. And freely acceptable! So to me I looked at it as a lesson being taught the hard way. Through the cane (or belt or slap or hitting) . In hind sight, right now I’m thinking, was hurting me the only best and final resort for me to be able to learn my lessons? Did I have to cry and get upset only to get up happy that I learnt something new in my life? But most importantly… was it worth it?
I know that’s Rhetoric

So now should I tell you why what was done to us had to happen?? If you are religious (Christian to be more specific) sing along with me: Spare the rod and spoil the child ! That’s Right {PROVERBS 13:24}

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Frankly I have mad respect for God and what His word says so I’m gonna not comment on that…! Listen it’s the Bible people! We can’t do much there.

However the ironic part is, I’m very sure many will be surprised to have found out that this line actually was legit outta the bible (let me know if that was you in the comments down below 🙂 

Reason why I say this is because you know how notorious we are sometimes when we repeatedly quote famous Christian slogans that don’t really exist at all in our bible. They become soo second tongued that we begin to think it’s God’s words when on the contrary it is just Man’s word.

Like take for instance
God helps those who help themselves

While this phrase sounds like it definately comes from scripture, it actually isn’t recorded anywhere in the bible. The phrase “God helps those who help themselves” is credited to the Greek storyteller Aesop (and Bejamin Franklin) . It’s been suggested the phrase is a favorite among pickpocketers and shoplifters
See 10 more popular bible verses that aren’t actually in the Bible

I remember an incident in school with one of our foreign tutors (She was a Brit) from the UK. We were chatting away one afternoon when I got the ultimate culture shock of my life! To my utter surprise she gagged at me when I told her about a bad day I was having because I was still upset after being “disciplined” at home over a petty nothing that I did.

She goes “So they hit you?”

In my head I respond almost immediately “Don’t worry about me others get worse”

But instead I chose to stay silent.

‘Coz to be honest now I’m the one in shock!

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She then goes ahead to tell me how she would rather use other means to discipline her kiddies when they go wrong or misbehaved. Beating isn’t the only way to teach what’s Right. To her she would give them a time out or take away their luxuries (ipad/ toys/snack junk/a swim in the pool) “And my kids are very well mannered” she adds.

This gets me thinking! Is abuse the only order of the day? What’s surprising to me is that I observed her little girls were sometimes even more disciplined than their counter parts who get a beating for doing wrong. It’s almost like with time they get immune to the canning and instead of receiving the moral, they receive the pain ignore the lesson taught!

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LET'S RETHINK THIS

   Objective obtained?
      Make your bets
     I’m thinking not!

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This is where beauty went wrong

‘Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’… I won’t lie this here is one of those phrases I was taught in grammar class but hadn’t really understood what it meant – atleast at that time when I was like 13yrs. But you don’t question the teacher, right?  Or the book; Or the authors of the book; Or the origin of where the people who wrote the book really is : Nope you do not! God forbid you dare, you just take it as it is and somehow it’ll make sense … as for me this particular one didn’t then, and hasn’t yet up until now!

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See here’s why I have a problem with this : if something is physically attractive or good to look at, it remains to be that way regardless of whether you are attracted to it or not! Finding something that admires you is one thing, however being drawn towards it is another.

|”k, so where are we headed with this?” *SIGH* | I hear you asking yourself.

Continue reading “This is where beauty went wrong”

A generation of Fads

So someone once challenged me and told me the internet has been a breeding ground of “narcissistic intelligence”… being the hardnut that I am, there had to be a heated back-and-forth before I was totally convinced about this matter ( I always crave a good debate; and the opportunity presented itself).

Who’s a narcissist?

A habit in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.

Strictly, it’s used to mean being self-absorbed and having an inflated opinion on ourselves and our capabilities… not to be confused with self esteem, but there’s a thin line separating the two extremes. Being confident is good but being cocky about it is another.

So back to this altercation I had, it does seem true to say we are ignorant with our online ‘persona’ : We give savvy political commentary on twitter debates and forums; take part in “big talks” on facebook groups and pages so as to inflate our up-to-date knowledge; whenever we do come across a thought-provoking article online we leave comments that are well written full of linguistics to prove we are well articulate and word smart!

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And all for what?!? The praise and status quo we believe we have. And yes this is narcissistic of us since we only give this much effort because the internet helps distant ourselves from the reality we live in… so we feel safe to be a ‘somebody’ to other nobody(s) we know nothing about and who wouldn’t otherwise know the person we really are… it’s a feel good mind illusion. And don’t roll your eyes at me we both know that’s true myself included. Just that act of having an active online presence has the power to make us feel we are greater than what we are. Feel more knowledgable than our intelligence allows of us.

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A false sense of importance

On Social Media
I decided to quit all social media activity 3yrs ago since I realised it was a constructive way of wasting my life. It took a little bit of maturity and common sense to see just how much of my time I was investing in meaningless stuff. Time that at the time,  I would have used on improving myselfrather than on gaining more IG followers and posting happenings of my life that were of no use to other people. But whether this is anything to me or not… this is the culture of our generation today.

~The millennials 15 to 29 year olds of this day and age

We are head over heels on “improving” and “maintaining” our social media image so as to meet the cut on what society values good/worthy.

It’s a TOTAL frenzy!!! No, you don’t look anything like those picture perfect selfie photos... it’s all in the angle and image edits. No your 1Million instagram followers don’t give you real gravitation or fame… they are people who care less about who you are as a person and more about what you post for them to feast on! Those 500 facebook likes means you are popular… to a virtual reality crowd. And twitter? The followers… Do You personally know any one of them?

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It’s a fad for christ sake. And this is what a fad is :

An intense and widely shared enthusiasm for something, especially one that is short-lived and without basis in the object’s qualities; a craze.

I think each demon is beautiful. So although all these false “personalities” we create leads us to fall prey to inferiority complexes … they do give meaning to how we relate to one other in society.

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You’re either cool or lame; hot or not; smart or naive; street savvy or clueless; talented or average… this is what our society perpetuates. Labels and identities are the order of the day. See it as a blesssing or curse… just try not to lose yourself. #Live in your truth

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Be authentic; It's important

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Feminist is an Equalist

Feminist is a cliche’ nowadays. Dare me say “I’m a feminist..” and ooh boy the gags you get are far too familiar.  Riased eyebrow ,silly smark and a cheeky yet sarcastic giggle.

But why? :  Because I’m female it’s wrong to be ambitous and have a go getter attitude to life? Be tough and as unappologetically bold as my male counterpart? Have drive and work on my grind?

Feminism is simply the quest for the equality of the sexes, yet it provokes strong reactions

‘Gender doesn’t limit my scope’
~qoute by Joyce

I do believe that their isn’t a superior gender. But fortunate or unfortunately we’ve celebrated a dominant gender so to speak. The ‘xy’ chromosome. (Male) But we are now  breaking the ice and saying “I AIN’T YOUR MAMA!! (Jlo). It’s perfectly okay to be outspoken as a female and still have a gentle feminine touch. We are all the same… just that one was biologically born a man/woman.

Times have changed and traditional roles are being redefined. Long are the days when it was forbiden to have a lady in the army or a shocker to find a lady engrossed in the 9-5 work schedule.

And so it begs the question, why can’t we demand and negociate an aqual pay cheque? given we perform the same tasks. Give Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar!

Emma Watson during the HeforShe campaign for UN Women Goodwill said ;
{I have spoken about feminism the more I have realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that this has to stop.

For the record, feminism by definition is: “The belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. It is the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.”}

And for the record empowering the girl child doesn’t jepordise the male existence. There will always be a man’s place in society. And hey look on the bright side …  a strong-willed intelligent lady is such a turn on and an important asset in soo many ways. Having women being empowered and doing the most gives the next generation a positive outlook as to what being a strong woman really is all about. Younger girls shall grow looking up to charaters such as these. They will learn that they don’t have to only play with dolls and play dress up. They’ll learn that they can do what whatever their heart so desires and can be whatever they wish to be with no compromise or limits. Not forgetting that youger boys too will be made to understand that a woman’s place isn’t neccesarilly in the kitchen…(pun intended) and so it should be.

If I speak my mind it means I have an opinion not that I’m being rude. Whenever a boy shows confidence and stands up for what he believes in he is praised and called ambitious ; when a girl does it she’s belittled and told to learn some mannars! Smh a pity!

However what I do know for certain is that when you look around and you are the only one wearing a skirt in the boardroom that’s a plus to you… because you won’t be easily forgotten. No need to pass around that business card!! The odds are in your favour and work to your advantage.
It’s an empowering feeling to say the least.
Be You. Stand Tall. And Speak Up. #girlpowerrocks

FEMALE RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS AND ARE OUR RIGHTS

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#BOOK REVIEW | ‘Promise you won’t tell?’ by John Locke

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This is a very touchy novel addressing our universal fear of vulnerability and not having total control over how events unfold in our own lives.
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Riley Freeman, a young 17yr old girl, finds herself in deep trouble and at odds with her friends at school (and close family members) after a nude picture of her is posted online anonymously. This transpired after getting a little drunk in a pal’s house party… and this opens up a whole can of worms as deep rooted secrets are revealed about her personal life and that of one of her bff. To help her navigate the horrendous ‘druken night occurances’ and legal issues that ensue these sort of crimes, she sought the help of the infamous private investigator Dani Riper (through which the entire novel is narrated by).
Dani is sarcastic, hilarious, and she gives out a good amount of emotion.
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This book is a real roller-coaster ride. Readers experience a whole range of emotions as the plot steadily matures with vivid first person accounts to the whole drama and mistery that befalls the young senoir year girl.
Who can you trust in this world?… especially when it’s your dignity that hangs loose on the thread.

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Personally I think the theme resonates true with almost all of us. Regardless of age. We all have our insecurities. We’re all flawed and have those pesky parts of our identity that we’d rather have stay unsaid. And in this day and age the internet and social media haven’t been of help at all. Selfie? Sure why not edit the image add filters and photoshop my extra flabs; set the camera angle right and … click #iwokeuplikethis
Then again with this fast speed technology comes the new phenomenon of instant sharing of content because we’re all soo globally connected and intertwined. So you can only imagine the trauma and emotional drain you would be put through once a careless nude picture of you circulates your inner circle and beyond overnight! – but yeah we’ve seen that before, right? Sex tape scandals anyone?!?

“If I could show you how awful you made me feel, You would never be able to look me in the eye again.”

~Riley

Qoute from book.

All the more reasons to mule over this John Locke creation of wit and thrill.

Continue reading “#BOOK REVIEW | ‘Promise you won’t tell?’ by John Locke”