DARK SCAR2

Sequel to Dark Scar1

In my ‘DARK SCAR SERIES’ : I share periodic accounts of what the scars life has left on me mean to me and what I’ve learnt.

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We all wanna hide our scars. Vexed by what they remind us of, we tend to conceal their remains. Bury the past in our past.

But our scars are what makes us. My scars (each and every one of them) mark an occurence in my life, that makes me. I may hide my scar, but who I am is what the scar holds true.

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If anything, thy should wear thy scars on thy sleeves
…with pride. They are proof of how many times life knocked me over, but I got back up! Of what use would this life be if we have nothing to show of it?
I am strong: That’s why I have scars!
I’ve been fucked over a few times… but we saw me through!

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As a matter of fact Imm’a place them on the tip of my forehead no chills! These scars tell a story; one that I can’t be ashamed of since it’s my own.

We ain’t done yet! Let’s get back to getting more of those scars… that’s how we’re sure life is happening to us.

           _End of Part One (2)_

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Truths To Highschooling

Time moves slowly, but passes by swiftly ~

It feels just like a while ago I was in my freshman periods through highschool.

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Talk of fresh starts? … More like anxious states!
Anxious of the unknowns, social anxiety was easy to get succumbed to ; Ooh No but not for me (for others other than myself it could apply). See, being a people’s person is one of the things I thank the gods for! I’m good with people and I have a natural ablility to work and easily relate to different kinds of personalities (not to brag but I’m bragging 🙂 #JustSaying ).

So mingling and making friends was not as such topping my “Worry List”. Honey, I had other issues bugging me : Where’s the nearest place to get food? {‘coz gurl’s gotta feed} ; Do I know where my next class is gonna be? { Idk ’bout you? But have you conveniently spent the entire lesson time in an empty room thinking you were to have an actual class there? Yea, I had my fair share of these; owh And getting misplaced and lost allatime}

What I was constantly bothered by was fitting in! Don’t get me wrong you can do all the mingling good, but if you can’t get accepted by the pack… then you’re gonna have a problem! Which was in turn my problem, because I tend to be a people pleaser in a way. Always wanting everyone and anyone to like me… like why wouldn’t you like me?!? To me there was no reason not to! AT ALL

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And methinks this yarn for acceptance is universal. Inclusive but NOT limited to high school going peers. I cleared school around June this year, so memories of it still linger on – hangovers. The highs&lows, The drama&realism, The fun&cruelty, The tears&laughter.

I’ve been there, Done that, Left doing it… And bought a t-shirt

Listen, you are at your prime age during secondary school. That’s where all the magic happens… the growing, the discovering, the learning and finding who you are as an individual. You mold your character accordingly by making the right choices. And peer influence is REAL too!

I reckon at some point I was torn on who I should be/how I should act in order to gain acceptence in the eyes of my peers. #TheStruggleIsReal I tell you. I cocooned my vibrant personality and the ‘real me’ in order to be who they wanted to see in me. This is one of the biggest mistakes I made. Luckily I grew past this and with time I matured and began living in my truth.

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So looking back at it all (now) , Here’s some truths I’d want to tell my 15yrs old self fresh from middle school.

1. Sieze the day – Carpe Diem! –and take up as many chances and opportunities as they arise because 20yrs from now you’ll be more disappointed at the things you didn’t do than those you did do!

2. Make an experiment of yourself.

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Try new things out and never shy away from things that are well off your comfort levels. Or those that seem new to you. You’ll never know if you don’t try.

3. People will always have something to say no matter what you do! People’s opinion on issues is life lived through their eyes. Customised and biased by past experiences. But they aren’t you, are they? So be you with no appologies!

4. Nothing lasts… sadly even the friendships we made were not guarnteed to stand the test of time (mine didn’t, did yours). So socialize extensively but keep focus. You’re not in it together, you are in it collectively on your own.

5. It’s NOT a Popularity Contest... If it were we’d select a winner, but we didn’t! If you have to put a bushel over your own verson of you (the aunthentic you) ; you’ve got toxity to deal with.

6. When it’s all said and done life is all about making mistakes! Make many of them, you’re not the first to do so! Take lessons learnt, dust your knees and get back to making even more mistakes because it is in that that genius comes about.

7. Don’t take life too seriously ~ although it is. Let loose, laugh heartifully, love honestly, speak truthfully, live rightly, mingle freely. You know the motto yolo!

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Look, let’s be real. High school is full of lots and lots of BS! It’s that optimal stage in life where we all flex our character muscles. Too much sass going around; plenty of oestrogen in the air… so then it goes without mentioning tensions and tantrums are gonna arise all around us. No doubt about that. But you gotta just deal… And when it feels like you can’t :

Just let Go
And let Go(d)

P.s
If there’s anything you’d pick up from this post just remember these words,

“You can never stand out if you are always trying to fit in

Those who mind don’t matter;
Those who matter don’t mind

Kim Kardashian I “HATE” YOU…

…Okay, Okay maybe HATE IS A STRONG WORD! I’m annoyed slightly. And I’m not annoyed at Kim herself … ironically it’s Kim’s weight I’m annoyed at!

Okay no hard feelings harboured here ; I mean the girl lost tons of pounds (70lbs to be exact) and she looks great! But then what implication does her dress size have on us? Kim being the famed popular queen that she is… what she buys, wears or weighs has its way of influencing how we perceive our own lives… Directly/Indirectly – if you are pop culture orientated like myself you know what I mean.

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Kim flaunts her 125lbs at the VMA Red Carpet

But then do we honestly want her every body development literally thrown at our faces?!? No like seriously, they’re legit keeping tabs on her neck weight… literally speaking!

CHANGING THE STANDARDS OF BEAUTY

Kardashian is the epitome of perfection.
I discuss this in my popular post :  How socialite implies on us (read here)
Her eccentric and coveted beauty (so is her body figure) sort of dictates what’s good!
So while we all know having some meat to the bone is considered beautiful nowadays – *inside voices* Good Lord! When’s the butt revolution ever gonna halt? – what do you think should happen after the idol who mainstreamed curvacious bodies decides to shed it all off?

$h*t don’t add up right? ‘Coz the hell is gon’ happen to all de phat a**??

Since apparently thin is now the new sexy

beauty is being redefined and sampled by Kimberly.

COST OF WARDROBE CHANGES

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And now to the fashion, ooh the fashion! So it’s not new that Kim is a major style icon and that she surely does influence a lot of the trends in the fashion game. Top Designers want to dress her; girls and fans alike want to wear what she clads too.

Being a bit on the “pair-shaped” size she caters mostly for the curvy lady. Figure hugging outfits that show off every hump and lump is what we know her for.

But now guess what? She’s skinny… so obviously she’ll change her mode of dressing to well suit her trimmed down body.

~Idk about you… but we’re indeed gonna be swiping that credit card to ‘Keep Up With This Kardashian’ ~

SKINNY Vs CURVY

Me: Yea…She lost soo much weight lemme google a pic for you.
(I show her a picture on my phone screen)
My Friend: What?!? So this is her now? … how do you lose what you’re famous for?

That’s a convo I had a while back with another Kardashian enthusiast while watching a repeat episode of kuwtk on E! Network (Yo! girls will alway be girls :D)

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So while it may sound totally absurd why someone else’s weight should be considered such a big deal (to even be worthy of a discussion) … those who know this star get it!

[/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]
|Memo to Kiki|
–> So Kiks, what’s fit and healthy?
Should your relentless followers workout to pack on some extra pounds on the hips and derriere/ should they go on sugar diets to cut it off?
Is it cool to be thin/thick?
Should they be frustrated/content when the number on the scale goes down?

Girl, you are brewing some major chaos along the trail: Vegan; Gluten Free; Non-Dairy;Zero Cholesterol; Paleo Diets
(Some of which I have no idea what they really are; who knows what gluten even is??)
There’s gonna be a rise in the cases of forced anorexia! But NOT FOR ME! 

Im’ma just grab some popcorn and cotton candy while I sit back and wait to see all the outfits she’s gonna be rocking.
  
And I’m out ^peace^
[/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]/]

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As to why caged birds plead

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Symbolic Insight.
Up, up, and away they fly. Wuthering heights young, wild, and free without a worry in the world. These are birds.
Now picture an unfortunate caged bird. Caged by the freewill of another being, human, or inhuman like a clogged brush(in the wild) that has imprisoned it – causing it to sulk in dispair~ doomed!
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Nothing’s more turning off in life than negative energy. Worse yet when it’s from another party.
From experience, I’ve resolved that patronising remarks and impressions posed to someone, especially on their health deeply sours with quick reflex. Just that |”___Cause Your Sick_”| no matter how faint or subtle goes a long way in damage.

Being friends with a Shizophernic girl I’ve known, I have had a perspective change of view on Mental&Psychological patients. I’ve come to appreciate that they’re not creeps or freaks; they’re just in a slippy conditions; and most of all it’s NOT THEIR FAULT!
Obscure monikers like ʹPsycho` and ʹSpecial` have long gone swept my tongue.

My friend once confessed that one major set back in her recovery procedure, is the treatment and attitude she has to deal with from immediate and distant people(aware of her condition) throughout her life. According to her, people’s outlook towards her and how she’s regarded in society, tips her more into relapses than actually her presiding health status.
She abhors and constantly denounces differenciality when it comes to how she’s seen and treated by others: “Am not a lesser or any different person than you are.”
/NO! They don’t need your Sympathy or Pity just your Understanding/

Mental/Psychological persons are like any other medical patients; On the contrary pills and doctrine suppliments don’t cure them. It’s all in their brains&subconscious mind. Feelings; Emotions; Moods and Thoughts: these are the ailing faults in need for cure. As you can see all these are intangible making the recovery procedure self-centered. It’s almost like they are their own doctors since, despite talks and advice given during physiotherapy and/or counselling, it’s down to One Man’s Island—individual treatment [hysterically, It’s every man for himself, to say the least]

Most of all, *Never judge or Pin-Point or Imply that their moral and behavioral misconducts are due to their mental state~this kill more than a stab in the temple.
Grand pounds of: ego, self esteem, self value, self worth and self image, are dragged in the mud and killed, by that foul and influential negativity.

Symbolic Insight.
Easen up the paws and claws and let the birdie go…Give the caged bird a reason to sing again.
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#Raising_Awareness on behalf of all Mental Patients.

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Love is … a Diary Away!

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Matters of the heart is something I never talk about openly (to anyone) ; but ya’ll not just anyone you are my readers buddies and Friends talk…

So today I’ll with all pride embarass my 14 year old self from the past.

How?

By sharing what being smitten as a teenage girl is really all about – it’s some messed up awkwardness to say the very least… but see for yourself.

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THIS IS MY ACTUAL DIARY ENTRY.
DATE : 03/04/2011
Dearly Beloved

You know, just thinking that one day one time in a place I know not of; I will meet you. Idk when or how we’ll meet one another, our first encounter and you know all that first impression stuff people talk about in dem movies… Ooh heck! Maybe I already HAVE met you. And maybe even spent some time with you, LOL funny right?

But owh well who knows… it’s just in the stars. Speaking if which: I’m GEMINI (Heey)   😉
Wonder what your horoscope sign is Aquarius Aries Picies? Humm how I wish.

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All this thinking and fantasising… and dreaming and wishing I had a bae right about now gets me thinking. Don’t wanna waste my precious time
squander my hopes and dampen this my fresh head

I don’t wanna waste my: Passion ; Love ; adoration ; eternal romance on some savage of a guy!

Tbh it’s not like I’d wanna have a boyfriend – well again it’s partly true though. I NEED TO CONCENTRATE ON just meee atm. School life, career, my ambitions and set my priorities out straight. Plainly I really wanna just find myself and in the near forseen future, end up Finding you my love!!

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Where are you? What’s your name? Watcha doing? Have you seen me? Ever noticed me? Waddup! Where you at love? Huh (sigh) !
I just hope you keep yourself good and cute 😉 for me. And I will love you today just as I will forever!

Patiently|hoping|to cheerish|
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DARK SCAR1

In my ‘DARK SCAR SERIES’ : I share periodic accounts of what the scars life has left on me mean to me and what I’ve learnt.

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Here I am.
If we all had a choice… to be what we want to be. Wouldn’t life not be worth living? Okay just imagine, no working no struggling; just mere achievements. It’ll be like no pain no gain will have been overrulled.

Well having lived with a close person I know (who lives in a shadow), I realised that sometimes getting what we want can turn into a soul tormentor if not achieved. He lives with a dark scar of dumpened dreams. Sort of like living under a  shadow of regrets mixed with bitterness. Well it isn’t entirely his fault… other factors incorporated too.

Having a dream in which he looked up to when he had the innocence to; and watching events that unfolded that proved it a futile plan- only brought up one thing bitterness.
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           _End of Part One (1)_

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Am I Good Enough?

Time and again we’ve all been told how wrong it is to compare ourselves with others. That we are all talented differently and have our own strengths and weaknesses that we ought to appreciate and nurture. And that in this life we got to work on growing and getting better at our own journey.

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UP UNTIL THERE I Agree… where I disapprove is when someone tells me that I am beyond doubt good enough … and fit for the road just as I am; And that I should feel content in my capabilities and constantly remind myself how worthy it is to be just as I am!

Now listen I’m a firm believer of positive thinking and I can attest that motivation is a key ingridient to living a happy peaceful life.
Could be, reading those self-help books and repetitively listening to positive affirmation audio clips {I’m a sucker for this}, helps keep us at ease, when we oh soo need it! – (’cause life does tend to get a bit overwhelming and at times we feel like we’re in a whirlwind of chaotic mess bleh! I know this feeling oh too well… just gotta Suck it up!)

But then do we really want to feel like we are indeed good enough?
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Even at those things that we know for certain we suck at doing? Because who am I kidding? I know that there are a couple of things or two in life that I simply cannot do! Maybe it’s because I lack proper experience (like playing golf) or my human ability just falls short and I can’t do it even though I tried (like drawing and painting… I have no artistic sense woven in my DNA, Like no joke. It’s pathetic!). So evidently you see there’re things that I can do super well and others that I’ll struggle with; and that’s the case with each and every one of us. Like something has gotta give. You’re not superman or wonderwoman … the superficiality that disney fed our young budding minds were white lies!

Ever heard of autism? And how persons who have this health condition tend to conduct themselves? They show certain extremes in their behaviour and how they relate to others. I myself recently heard of this and I’m still learning more about it. Maybe you should too?? Just saying!
So to a parent with a child who has autistic tendancies, most of them tell their kids that despite all the negative downsides they may have with regards to their character… they are good at some other things and that’s all that matters~

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Here’s a link to learn more about autism

See here’s the thing I’m trying to put across : we can’t do it all, Right? *head nod*. And even those that we can be able to do… it’s almost impossible to claim we are pro’s/perfect at it.

I may be good at doing X but there’s – without doubt- someone else where somewhere who is better than me at it… so I can’t say I’m good enough ! In as much as we may want to tell ourselves we are good … to make us feel some type of way; in reality we ain’t.

Lets face the facts head on guys, ‘coz honestly not everyone can be a Beyoncé or a Usain Bolt or a Bill Gates or even Oprah (hmmm I wouldn’t mind being worth 4bn USD :p), but that’s perfectly okay!

So if you were to ask me right now :

   Are you good enough? No
Do you want to feel good enough? Still NO.. huh? why?

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Simply because complacency is scary to me. I always hunger to be better, I crave something bigger and mighty than I am today. The reason why my yesterday isn’t my today is because I didn’t let myself feel (or imagine) like I’m good enough. I know I have my strengths but I look to making them even more stronger as I work on my weaknesses.

TO BREAK OUR BARRIERS AND GROW ; WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND WE ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

                  _Fin_

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Beating And/Or Teaching!?

Who likes being whacked whooped whipped okay to be fair let’s use the more kid-friendly word : disciplined. Not that the very act of it is any lenient than getting a thorough whooping… but growing up I was told I was being disciplined each time I got a beating.

Joyce, I’m not beating you;
        I’m disciplining you
   So next time you know better!

Okay, I’m not soo sure about you, but the truth lies in the proof! There was : physical discomfort and harm, injury, crying, pain, moodiness —>> yea that was more or less a beating I got… no matter the vocabulary! Being told you were being disciplined back then; sounded way more liberal than torturous. And it made it okay. And freely acceptable! So to me I looked at it as a lesson being taught the hard way. Through the cane (or belt or slap or hitting) . In hind sight, right now I’m thinking, was hurting me the only best and final resort for me to be able to learn my lessons? Did I have to cry and get upset only to get up happy that I learnt something new in my life? But most importantly… was it worth it?
I know that’s Rhetoric

So now should I tell you why what was done to us had to happen?? If you are religious (Christian to be more specific) sing along with me: Spare the rod and spoil the child ! That’s Right {PROVERBS 13:24}

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Frankly I have mad respect for God and what His word says so I’m gonna not comment on that…! Listen it’s the Bible people! We can’t do much there.

However the ironic part is, I’m very sure many will be surprised to have found out that this line actually was legit outta the bible (let me know if that was you in the comments down below 🙂 

Reason why I say this is because you know how notorious we are sometimes when we repeatedly quote famous Christian slogans that don’t really exist at all in our bible. They become soo second tongued that we begin to think it’s God’s words when on the contrary it is just Man’s word.

Like take for instance
God helps those who help themselves

While this phrase sounds like it definately comes from scripture, it actually isn’t recorded anywhere in the bible. The phrase “God helps those who help themselves” is credited to the Greek storyteller Aesop (and Bejamin Franklin) . It’s been suggested the phrase is a favorite among pickpocketers and shoplifters
See 10 more popular bible verses that aren’t actually in the Bible

I remember an incident in school with one of our foreign tutors (She was a Brit) from the UK. We were chatting away one afternoon when I got the ultimate culture shock of my life! To my utter surprise she gagged at me when I told her about a bad day I was having because I was still upset after being “disciplined” at home over a petty nothing that I did.

She goes “So they hit you?”

In my head I respond almost immediately “Don’t worry about me others get worse”

But instead I chose to stay silent.

‘Coz to be honest now I’m the one in shock!

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She then goes ahead to tell me how she would rather use other means to discipline her kiddies when they go wrong or misbehaved. Beating isn’t the only way to teach what’s Right. To her she would give them a time out or take away their luxuries (ipad/ toys/snack junk/a swim in the pool) “And my kids are very well mannered” she adds.

This gets me thinking! Is abuse the only order of the day? What’s surprising to me is that I observed her little girls were sometimes even more disciplined than their counter parts who get a beating for doing wrong. It’s almost like with time they get immune to the canning and instead of receiving the moral, they receive the pain ignore the lesson taught!

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LET'S RETHINK THIS

   Objective obtained?
      Make your bets
     I’m thinking not!

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3 Reasons to cut off Toxic People

      “Show me your friends,
            and I’ll tell you
              who you are”

You are who you spend most of your time with ; we’ve heard this ,right? In as much as its been used severally… just like any other cliché there is some element of truth in it.

I remember I was told this alot growing up by my teachers in school and my parents in an attempt to try and monitor who I hanged out with. Me thinks it was their way of choosing our friends for us… Continue reading “3 Reasons to cut off Toxic People”